


The Way It’s Supposed To Be

by ten9



Series: I Am My Beloved’s [2]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-15
Updated: 2011-04-15
Packaged: 2017-10-18 02:38:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/184078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ten9/pseuds/ten9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A continuation of, “Love, Rules & Universal Laws.”</p><p>Author Notes: Thank you for your positive responses to “Love, Rules & Universal Laws”.  Hope you find this to be an adequate follow up.  I have at least one more story to tell after this; another 2-parter or possibly one long story, I’m not sure yet.  The outline is still percolating in my head at this point….</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way It’s Supposed To Be

**Author's Note:**

> (These characters are owned by their respective studios and producers; I make no profit from these stories, they are provided for personal use only and remain the copyright of the author. They may not be reproduced either in whole, in part or posted elsewhere without permission.)

**I Am My Beloved’s**

**Part 2**

**The Way It’s Supposed To Be**

 

 

 

 

Once he had considered her formidable.  Once he had considered her a woman who could and would, overcome anything and everything the universe could throw at her.  Nearly as tall as himself; she exuded intelligence and initially, she possessed a shyness that belied the unbelievable strength that was the cornerstone of her leadership, of her commitment to purpose in every challenge she ever faced, of every battle she ever fought, and of absolute loyalty to those she loved.  Daniel swallowed cautiously and softly cleared his throat.  Gazing at the shell of a woman that lay now in the hospital bed he almost couldn’t believe it was the same person.  This Sam looked so small.  When he first sat down in the chair next to her bed he had wondered, how she could look so small?  She had lost weight in her fight for life after the incident with the Zhang, but where had the rest of her gone? he wondered.  While she dozed in a tranquilized stupor he sat here, listening to the blip of the monitor that kept a noisy vigil over the function of her heart, gently stroking the hands that were still covered in bruises and faint, fading scars left from the crystal that had cut her so deeply,

 

 _And what the crystal didn’t cut away, I cut away the rest_ , Daniel lamented silently.  When the Col. Mitchell from the other reality ran to get Sam his counterpart, the Alternate Daniel, ran in a near panic to make a hasty phone call, summoning their still alive Janet Fraiser.  As soon as he had slammed the phone back on its wall mount he had rushed back to the mirror,

 

“Listen, Daniel,” his alternate bunched his hands into fists in his rush to get the words out without stammering, “the Sam who came through the mirror a month ago, your Sam, was badly hurt, but she’s better now and she’s happy here.  And if you ask her, she’s gonna’ want to stay.”

 

Daniel’s forehead creased in a confused frown, “What?”

 

“Doctor Jackson?”

 

Daniel turned at the voice carried over the intercom and looked at Gen. Landry who stood watching from the observation room,

 

“What?”

 

“What?”  Gen. Landry’s voice boomed back.

 

Raising his voice Daniel turned again to the Plexiglas, “Tell the teams to wait, General!  They’re going to get her now!”  Trying to affect a nonchalant pose he turned back to the mirror,

 

“What are you talking about?”  He demanded quietly, not knowing if he could trust this other Daniel Jackson or not.

 

But the other Daniel seemed genuine and sincere in the story that spilled from him in a rush.  The other Daniel spoke about their Sam and the love affair that carried her and Janet through so many years of happiness, then the tragic loss barely two months before.  Then his Sam fell through the mirror into their reality, a bloody mess Janet put back together…. He told him about Quantum Integration and how it couldn’t have been helped, his Sam was just too much like their Sam, and now his Sam and their Janet were together in their world and they loved each other, and they were happy.

 

“Please,” the other Daniel had pleaded, “she needs to stay.  Just ask her and you’ll see.”  He then held up the mirror’s remote and showed him how to activate the audio, how to lock in the current address and how once they had repaired their mirror he could be a part of a collective of alternate realities that checked in with each other on a regular basis to exchange information and ideas and brainstorm off one another.

 

“It’s at this same time… every month,” the other Daniel hurried, “it was a month ago today, in fact, when your Sam…”

 

Then their Mitchell flew into the room pushing a stricken-looking Sam in a wheelchair.  Daniel realized only after the fact that he inadvertently caused Mitchell to hurl Sam at the glass when he told them the mirror on his end was unstable.  He only meant that he needed to use whatever time he had left to determine if what the other Daniel said was true, he needed to hear from Sam herself that she wanted to stay.

 

But then, suddenly, she was on his side of the mirror, screaming for Janet and the look on their Janet’s face as she rushed to the mirror, desperately reaching out just before the glass went dark.  Daniel squeezed his eyes shut tight against the memory of Sam crying out in agony.  _She was in so much pain… I could hear it;_ he thought and took a deep, shaky breath.  He blinked back the sudden moisture gathering in his eyes and looked from the massive, swollen hematomas that covered Sam’s arm caused by Dr. Lam trying to sedate her in the observation room, down at the ring that graced Sam’s wedding finger.  With his thumb, he gently turned the ring and whispered aloud the ancient Hebrew text etched deeply in the gold band, then repeated the words in English,

 

“I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.”

 

***

 

The image had been recorded in full-blown Technicolor and was crystal clear.  General Hammond watched the security tape again and again, his anger growing each time as he watched Col. Mitchell repeatedly grab Col. Carter and throw her at the mirror.

 

Daniel had told the general his version of events, starting with Col. Mitchell’s entreaty to still consider him for command of SG1; then handed over the security tape taken from the cameras in his lab. After the second viewing, Daniel became impatient and rose from the chair to pace at the far end of the general’s office.  Finally, the general clicked off the VCR with the remote and sat back in his chair.

 

“There is no room for misinterpretation, General.”  Daniel returned to his seat, his fury barely concealed, “He did it on purpose.”

 

After Daniel had initially accused Col. Mitchell of throwing Sam through the mirror for his own selfish purposes, he approached Janet who had sunk to her knees on the floor of his lab, her hand lightly touching the glass that had taken her wife.  To Daniel it appeared as though she had completely shut down; she had apparently stopped crying after Sam had been flung through the mirror and she simply knelt there, completely withdrawn and unresponsive.  Not knowing what to do, Daniel simply held her until the medics arrived.

 

“Doctor Jackson,” Gen. Hammond turned in his chair to regard him with blazing eyes, “I am ordering you to keep this to yourself; but I can assure you Colonel Mitchell will be severely dealt with and with every ounce of my authority.  Do you understand?”

 

Daniel only nodded.

 

The general turned to glare briefly at the dark screen before slumping back in his chair and exhaling noisily.  Finally he asked, “How is Doctor Fraiser?”

 

Daniel shrugged, “Vala and Teal’c are with her… we’re going to take her home as soon as I’m done here.”

 

The general nodded, “Then I won’t keep you.”  He rose and held out his hand and Daniel rose as well, accepting the heartfelt handshake from the older man, “We’re gonna’ get through this, son.”

 

Unable to meet his eyes Daniel could only nod and silently left the room.

 

~

 

SG1 formed a tight phalanx around Janet as they left the base and headed for their cars.  Vala slid behind the wheel of Janet’s van and Teal’c helped Janet into the passenger seat, silently pulling the seat belt around her and securing the buckle.  He couldn’t help but notice the dull vacancy in the small woman’s eyes and he stopped to gently squeeze her shoulder in one massive hand before backing out of the car.  Even though the muscle in his jaw jumped in tension, a look of infinite sadness marred his features.

 

Teal’c took the lead in his car, Vala followed behind him in Janet’s and Daniel brought up the rear in his own.  Together the solemn procession of vehicles made their way off the mountain, to Sam and Janet’s home.  During the drive Janet leaned her head back against the headrest and by the time Vala pulled into the driveway she appeared to be asleep.

 

“Janet?” Vala gently stroked her arm, “Janet?”  Slowly Janet opened her eyes and stared blankly at the house. Vala unbuckled Janet’s seatbelt just as Teal’c opened the passenger door and Janet turned to murmur in gratitude,

 

“Thanks, Vala.” but her eyes were unfocused and distant.  She turned to take Teal’c’s hand as he helped her from the car, “Thank you Teal’c.” she said, her voice equally flat.  Alone, she walked to the front door and Daniel, Vala and Teal’c watched her go inside,

 

“We can’t leave her alone, you know.” Daniel muttered under his breath.

 

“I am not leaving.” Teal’c announced.

 

“We can take turns.” Vala said then walked to the house, Daniel and Teal’c following behind.

 

Janet was on the phone when they entered, and in a voice utterly devoid of emotion she spoke to her daughter,

 

“I know, honey.  I’m all right… really.  It’ll be okay…  I promise, Cass….  No. I want you to stay in school and take your midterms, okay?”  She paused for a moment, “I’ll be here when you come home, I have to go now but you call me later if you need to and I’ll still call you tomorrow night, alright?  I love you, sweetheart.”  Daniel quickly stepped over to Janet, motioning for the phone and Vala stepped over as well, taking Janet by the hand and leading her to the couch.

 

“Hey, Cassie?”  Daniel pushed his glasses higher on his nose, watching as Janet sat robotically on the couch and Vala removed her uniform jacket, “Yeah, Vala and Teal’c and I are here with your mom and were gonna’ be staying with her for the time being, okay?”  He was quiet for a moment before adding, “It’ll be okay, Cassie, your mom’s right; stay for the exams and we’ll see you on Saturday….  Don’t worry.  We’ll take good care of her.  Call back if you need anything, like help with studying or anything, alright?”  Daniel told her they loved her before returning the phone to its charger.  He looked up at Teal’c who still stood at attention and then looked over at his wife who had pulled Janet down across her lap.  The petite brunette was still in uniform, and Daniel picked up the jacket that lay across the back of the couch and walked over to the hall closet with it.  Placing the small dress uniform jacket on a hanger, he paused for a second to gaze at the silver eagles on the shoulders before hanging it next to the larger dress uniform jacket with matching silver eagles and closing the door.

 

Vala had pulled off the woman’s heels and popped her cross tie open, and after unbuttoning the first two buttons on her dress shirt she pulled Janet’s head down on her lap and murmured softly, “Close your eyes for a bit, Janet and rest for a few minutes, alright?”  Janet was silent but compliant enough and obediently closed her eyes.  Now that she had talked to Cassandra and reassured her everything would be okay they could do whatever they wanted with her, and right now retreating from this world suited her just fine.

 

~

 

Cassandra Fraiser hung up the phone in her dorm room, stunned.  _How could this have happened?  They were so happy together, how could they take Sam away?  How could they take Sam way from me, away from mom?_  She sank down on her bed and closed her eyes; grateful her roommate was out on an early date.  Tears slid down her face and she clamped a hand over her mouth and sobbed quietly.  _It’s not fair!_   She screamed silently; _it’s not fair!  It’s not fair!  Mom needs Sam!_   She squeezed her eyes shut tight and as she sobbed she repeated in a quiet, angry voice, “Mom needs Sam!” over and over again,

 

“Mom needs Sam!  Mom needs Sam!  Mom needs Sam!  Mom needs Sam!  Mom needs Sam!”

 

Forty-five minutes passed, and as the anger and tears finally dissipated Cassie still quietly chanted, “Mom needs Sam.”  But now they were just words.  Words of intention, and Cassie’s mind floated, the room fading from her.  Completely unaware, her conscious mind drifted and it wasn’t until she found herself face to face with herself that she became aware of her new surroundings,

 

_“Uh, hey.”  Cassie said to the other Cassie in mild surprise._

_“Hey.”_

_“I’m… looking for Sam.  The Sam who just got thrown back into her old reality from ours?  She was badly hurt by some people called the Zhang…”_

_“Get out!” The other Cassie exclaimed, a smile lighting up her face, “I’m from that reality!”_

_“Whoa.”  Cassie murmured, “How’d we do that?”_

_“Well,” the other Cassie offered rather matter-of-factly, “we are Hak’taur.”_

~

 

Not knowing what else to do, SG1 sat mutely in Sam and Janet’s living room in stunned shock and silence.  Teal’c sat in an overstuffed chair, Daniel sat across from him in another and both men watched as Vala softly stroked Janet’s hair as she eventually fell into an exhausted, if fitful sleep.  Sorrowfully, Janet emitted small, whimpering noises as she slept and as the occasional tremor shook her compact form Vala would gently stroke her hair and rub her back and arm, murmuring soft words of comfort.

 

Watching them, it reminded Teal’c of their return from Colonel Carter’s funeral in Arlington.  The four of them, Cassie included, had lingered in much the same way after arriving at Dr. Fraiser’s home from the airport.  At some point that evening Teal’c noticed that Janet had excused herself, presumably to go to the restroom.  But when she had been gone for some time he became concerned and went in search of her.  The restroom had been unoccupied and continuing his search of the house, finally found her in the garage, curled up in the overstuffed chair she always sat in when Samantha Carter worked on her motorcycles.  Teal’c stood quietly for a few moments, his eyes falling on the two motorcycles standing off to one side of the near freezing room.  Janet had pulled the protective covers from both machines and the Ducati and Suzuki Falcon stood gleaming beneath the harsh fluorescents.  He had never understood Samantha Carter’s affection for these machines.  He remembered when she asked him to meet her on a desolate stretch of road so he could help her determine the one vehicle’s top speed, and her elation when she discovered she had driven the vehicle at a speed of 240 miles per hour.  He could not understand her delight; Col. Carter had achieved much greater speeds flying her world’s fighter jets and Goa’uld death-gliders alone, how could driving this vehicle possibly compare?  He had cocked his head to one side, mystified still and after a moment, turned to again regard the form of the colonel’s wife lying shivering, asleep in the chair.

 

He approached her and knelt quietly at her side; he could see her tear-stained face and hear the barely audible keening noises of loss that issued from her throat.  _Even in this uneasy slumber the song of grief has followed her,_ he had silently observed.

 

Deciding he must move her from the cold room he gently lifted her, like a child, into his massive arms.  She awoke briefly and begged him to let her stay a few minutes longer.

 

“I just need to feel close to her, Teal’c.”  She had begged him.

 

She clung to his shirt and as he looked down into agonized eyes he relented, if only for a few minutes.  Still holding her in his arms, he carefully lowered himself into the chair and she closed her eyes, quickly slipping back into an exhausted, uneasy sleep.

 

He sat there until Daniel Jackson and Vala Mal Doran came looking for them.  Mutely, they entered the garage and without a word, gazed at the diminutive, tragic figure held so protectively in his arms.

 

A long moment passed between them before Teal’c finally murmured softly, his eyes glistening, “I believe her heart has broken.”

 

 _And now it has broken again_ , Teal’c thought as he sat watching the petite, somnolent form on Vala’s lap.  _How many times_ , he wondered, _can the Tau’ri heart endure such pain?_

***

 

“Come on.”

 

“No.”

 

“Please, let’s just see if…”

 

“Look, Doctor Jackson,” Dr. Lee snorted, his initial good humor quickly souring into annoyance at the man’s persistence, “We could blow up the sun next to that thing down there…” he held his hands palm up in surrender, “It’s toast I’m telling you!  Toast!  There’s no force, no energy that will make that mirror work ever again!  Don’t you get it?  Nothing!”

 

Daniel shoved his hands in his pockets and hung his head, “Okay.”  He mumbled, “Okay, well…”

 

“We got her back, what the problem?”  He asked, truly perplexed by the archeologists’ demeanor.

 

Daniel shook his head, “It’s just that….  Look, what if we…”

 

“No!”  Dr. Lee wailed, “Jesus Christ, all-frickin’ ready!  I don’t have time for this!”  Disgusted, he turned on his heel and stomped out of his own lab.

 

Daniel stood looking at the empty doorway for several long moments before leaving Dr. Lee’s lab and returning to his own.

 

Teal’c was waiting for him when he got there; he stood quietly in the middle of his lab, his hands clasped behind him.  Daniel stopped in the doorway and both men stood silently regarding one another for a long moment until Daniel finally said, “Let’s go see her.”

 

Teal’c only nodded his assent and together, they left for the infirmary.

 

Dr. Lam directed them to a quiet corner where Sam lay motionless, her eyes clearly troubled behind closed lids.  Daniel walked around to the side of the bed and bending down slightly, placed both hands on the bedrail, “Sam?”  He called softly, “Sam?  Are you awake?”

 

Slowly, Sam blinked her eyes open, dully taking in first the Jaffa’s presence, then Daniel’s before the lids dropped down again.

 

“I’m so, so sorry Sam.”  Daniel hesitated then opened his mouth to speak again, but nothing came out.  He had no idea what to say and he looked to Teal’c for help.

 

Sam opened her eyes again and whispered, her voice barely audible, “It’s okay, Daniel.  It wasn’t your fault.”

 

Daniel looked down at her, “Actually, Sam, it was….  When I said I our mirror was…”

 

“It’s alright, Daniel.” Sam repeated; her voice a flat monotone and closing her eyes; turned her head away.

 

Daniel was speechless, she had not looked directly either at him or Teal’c even once.

 

Teal’c watched Daniel’s mouth work but no words came out.  His chin started to tremble and letting go of the bedrail, he turned to hurry past the large Jaffa and bolted from the room.

 

Teal’c turned back to the silent, frail-looking form in the bed.  It had been his intention to welcome the colonel back, but now he found himself unable to utter the words and after a few moments he gave a small, formal bow and left the room.

 

***

 

From her place in the chair Janet gazed at the bed where a shaft of early morning sunlight spilled in a soft glow across Sam’s side of the bed.  She was still in uniform, still shoeless, her feet tucked under her, the flag from Sam’s coffin hugged close in her lap as her thumb passed repeatedly over the name and numbers etched on the brass.

 

She hadn’t cried since Sam was thrown though the mirror, part of her was too afraid if she started again she would never stop _.  And Cassie will be home this weekend and I still have to go back to work at some point,_ she thought lifelessly.   Desolate, she looked down at her wedding ring, slowly turning the band with her fingers, feeling the ancient text that was deeply engraved in the gold band.  She slowly pulled the ring from her finger and slid it back on the ring finger of her right hand,

 

 “I’m a widow again.” She said dully and slowly, groaning softly, she struggled against stiffened joints to rise from the chair and walked to the bureau, carefully placing the flag in front of the mirror before grabbing a pair of jeans and underwear from a drawer.  Tiredly, she shuffled into the bathroom and changed out of her uniform.  Reaching into the laundry hamper, she pulled on one of Sam’s t-shirts, bunching the front of the shirt to her nose, searching for Sam’s scent.  Seeing the sheets she stripped from the bed only the morning before, she pulled them from the hamper and sat on the floor of the bathroom, her back against the wall.  She held them close, images of their lovemaking fleeting before her closed eyes and she inhaled deeply, searching for their combined essence left within the folds.

 

Blindly, she slowly turned the bundle this way and that, searching….  Searching for….  _Mmm_ , she suddenly relaxed and held the sheets even closer.  _There you are_ , she sighed, content to simply sit and breathe Sam.  Her perfume was so provocative Janet’s conscious mind quietly slipped away. Memories of Sam’s body, both vivid and distant floated to her; how Sam smelled after a workout, how she smelled in her leather jacket after riding one of her motorcycles.  The provocative scent of her arousal and how both her taste and smell left Janet feeling drunk and light-headed each time Sam achieved orgasm.  The taste of Sam on her tongue… just the taste and feel of Sam’s tongue in her mouth had been enough to rush Janet to climax in Sam’s arms.  Unbidden, before the world could return to her, she remembered the lovemaking session when she fell in love with Sam’s tongue.

 

Cassie had come to live with them only a few weeks before, it was late at night, and Cassie had been asleep for hours when Janet awoke to Sam’s light kisses on her neck.  When it was clear by Janet’s breathing that she was fully awake, Sam raised herself enough to lick at Janet’s lips, pausing to stroke and nuzzle her nose and cheek with her own before dipping her mouth once again to Janet’s, gently stroking soft lips with her tongue as she palmed and kneaded taut and swollen breasts with her hands.  The gentle licks and kisses and caresses became more heated, and Sam’s tongue finally demanded entrance into Janet’s mouth… as if Janet would ever deny her.  Moaning softly, Sam finally moved to straddle Janet’s thigh and with aching slowness, squeezed and massaged her mound, teasing her open with her fingers, softly stroking the ripening folds in cadence with the stroking of her tongue in Janet’s mouth.

 

“Oh god, Sam,” The more basic and primitive part of her brain understanding how Sam responded to such entreaties, Janet turned her head to whisper harshly in her ear, “Please, love, please…. Oh, god, baby, please...”

 

“ _Yes_ …” Sam groaned, a little too loudly.  Slipping two fingers inside Janet, Sam maintained a steady rhythm of fingers stroking her slick, heated walls within, her thumb stroking the hard bundle of nerves without and her tongue completing the exquisite torture of equally long and lavish strokes licking in and out of her mouth.  Feeling thoroughly penetrated, Janet’s tongue struggled to entwine with Sam’s and she found herself straining not to come in an effort to prolong the divine pleasure and agony she felt each time she joined with Sam in this way.  How intense could the sensation become before Sam stroked her universe into an explosion of blazing white light?

 

But suddenly, Janet was acutely aware that Sam was moaning loudly, much too loudly for a child not to hear and only then was Janet aware that Sam was undulating wildly on her thigh and close to orgasm herself.  Struggling with her own impending climax, Janet let go of one of Sam’s breasts to cover her mouth and stifle her moans.  Not understanding her intent, Sam moaned just as loudly, kissing and tonguing Janet’s palm.  Unable to hold back her climax one second longer, Janet pulled Sam’s mouth to hers and sucked Sam’s tongue inside to quiet her.  The sensation of her lips and mouth sucking wildly on Sam’s tongue blew her world into a blaze of brilliant white.  But even as she shook from the waves of orgasm that overtook her, she never stopped sucking on Sam’s tongue until the full, uncontrolled force of Sam’s climax tore her mouth from Janet’s and she buried her head in Janet’s neck, the low keening noise that issued from her throat lost in the pillow beneath and together they shuddered and convulsed for what seemed like an eternity.

 

Panting, Janet silently mourned the loss of Sam’s fingers when she finally withdrew from inside her.  Still clutching Janet’s thigh between her own, Sam rolled off to lie on her side and held Janet close, her hand protectively cupping Janet’s mound.

 

When she was finally able to breathe without sounding like a dying pony, Janet whispered, “Sweetheart, I love you, but you were so loud I thought you were going to wake Cassie.”

 

Janet could feel her smile against her neck, “Then stop making me come so hard.” Sam mumbled.

 

Janet couldn’t help but smile as she kissed the top of her head, “Oh, so it’s _my_ fault…”

 

“Always.”

 

“I mean it, Sam,” she entreated, her voice low, “we need to do something…”

 

“You mean like soundproof our room?”

 

“Well, no.” Janet said almost immediately, “How would we hear if Cassie got up?  Or a burglar broke in the house?”

 

Sam thought about that for a moment and then mumbled, “We could always keep the baby monitors and just soundproof Cassie’s room.”

 

“Okay, and how would we explain that to her?”

 

Sam yawned and inched closer, involuntarily squeezing Janet’s mound, “I don’t know, what would you say?”

 

Janet shivered slightly at the touch, “I don’t know; you’re the rocket scientist; you figure it out.”

 

The memory faded and Janet leaned her head back against the bathroom wall, a tender smile tugging briefly at her lips as the surroundings from her place on the floor slowly returned to her.  She hugged the sheets to her again and deeply inhaling their sweet aroma one more time, lay down on the floor and curling around the bundle, finally began to weep.

 

***

 

“When can I go home?”

 

Dr. Lam looked up in confusion from the colonel’s chart.  She opened her mouth to answer and realized she had no idea how to answer.  Carolyn Lam was acutely aware of the “don’t ask don’t tell” rule her father’s military lived by and, for Col. Carter’s sake, was afraid to say anything too referential to Sam or anyone else.  But she heard enough when Sam came through the mirror to guess what may have happened while she was on the other side and looked from haunted eyes back down to the chart she now clutched nervously in her hands.  Covertly, she looked around to see if anyone was close enough to hear her, but before she could answer Sam asked,

 

“Do I still have my house here?”

 

“Oh… well, yes.  Yes, of course.”  The young doctor sputtered, “It’s only been a month.”  Then quickly snapped her mouth shut at the look of sudden pain in the older woman’s eyes.  Wanting to comfort her, she reached down to softly clasp Sam’s hand but a nurse walked in carrying a stack of linens and Dr. Lam straightened from the bed to regard the chart again and slowly shook her head,

 

“I don’t know, Colonel, you’re still seriously anemic, your body is still trying to recover from very serious injuries… not to mention the new injuries I inflicted on you in the observation room…” She paused to look back down into pained blue eyes, “I am so sorry about that.”

 

Sam looked away, “It wasn’t your fault.”  She mumbled softly.

 

Dr. Lam sighed and looked back down at the chart.  _She really needs time to mourn and heal_ , she brooded quietly, _and she would certainly do that a lot quicker if she weren’t lying here in this infirmary,_

 

“Okay.”  Dr. Lam agreed, “As soon as I can arrange for a couple of airmen to ferry you and your car home you can get out of here.  I’ll put you down for at least a month’s medical leave.  But you still need to come back every day for physical therapy and a quick check up, alright?”

 

~

 

The car ride home seemed to take forever and it was with difficulty when Sam struggled to extricate herself from her own car, not waiting for either airman to help her.  Taking her keys, she thanked them both and leaning heavily on her cane, made her way slowly up the walk.  Robotically, she opened the door and stepped inside, automatically closing and locking it behind her.  Slowly, determinedly, she made her way to the bedroom and eased herself down on the chair across from the bed.  She leaned her cane against the chair and removed first the sling, then methodically unbuttoned her olive drab shirt, her mind distantly remarking how much easier it was to unbutton rather than button one’s shirt one-handed.

 

She changed out of her boots and uniform, leaving them in a trailing heap on the chair and floor.  Grabbing her cane, she made her way to the bureau and after several more excruciating minutes, changed into pajamas and went to bed, slipping into an exhausted sleep almost as soon as she slipped beneath the covers.

 

Hours passed as day passed into night and Sam only awoke once to struggle into the bathroom to relieve herself and have a drink of water before going back to bed.  _I just need a few days_ , she thought as she slid painfully back under the covers, _Just a few days of rest, then I can go back to being a mother to Cassie again_.  Sam snorted in self-disgust at her audacious use of the term.  _What a piss-poor excuse for a mom I’ve been so far,_ she berated herself, _how inadequate compared to Janet._   She lay on her side in the dark, facing the window where a dim shaft of streetlight entered through a narrow slit between the drapes.  She held her hands close to her chest and opened her eyes to peer down at the wedding band.

 

They had gone to the Caribbean for their honeymoon.  Much to Sam’s dismay and utter frustration, Janet had been in a maddeningly playful mood on the plane, “accidentally” brushing her hand past Sam’s breasts, or brushing her own breasts against Sam in complete defiance to Sam’s pained and pleading looks.  But she almost yelped aloud when the other passengers appeared to be asleep and Janet draped her sweater across Sam’s lap and slipped her hand underneath the small garment to brazenly grasp her mound.  Sam’s face had deeply colored and she grabbed Janet’s hand through the fabric, “For chrissakes,” she had hissed in her ear, “I love you, but the bathrooms on this airplane are too small to join the Mile High Club.”

 

Smiling, Sam pressed the side of her face into the pillow at the memory, her hand unconsciously sliding down beneath the covers to grasp her mound, her fingers pushing against the fabric of her pajama bottoms.

 

After a long, hot and humid cab ride they finally made it to their hotel and Sam barely heard the concierge say they were expecting a huge storm within a matter of hours. They would have to stay in the hotel’s main building until the storm passed before they could safely move into the bungalow they had reserved on the beach.  Janet had the foresight to order dinner from room service before leaving the front desk although Sam had little memory of what was actually consumed during the meal, unable to take her eyes off either her wife or the brilliant rings they now wore on their hands.

 

Janet had smiled more than once during that meal, “Are you okay over there, Captain Carter?”

 

And Sam had answered around mouthfuls, “Yes ma’am, Captain Fraiser…. I’m only eating this because I have to keep my strength up.”

 

By the end of the meal Sam couldn’t take anymore when Janet asked sweetly if they should order dessert.  Sam rose swiftly from her place at the small table and swept the smaller woman into her arms,

 

“Sam!” Janet had shouted, laughing.

 

“I have all the dessert I need right here.” Sam had smiled predatorily at her and quickly crossed the spacious room to place her precious cargo on the bed.  Sweeping up the chocolates that had been left on the pillows she tossed them over her shoulder, “And I certainly don’t need these.”

 

Janet laughed again and slipping from beneath her, scrambled off the bed, “For heaven’s sake, sweetheart, you never just chuck chocolate.” and retrieving them from the floor unwrapped one and slid it into her mouth.  Sam watched her with rapt attention, a sly grin crossing her face,

 

“Janet…”

 

As she crossed the room toward her, Janet unwrapped the second chocolate and offering it to her wife, slowly slid it onto Sam’s tongue.  Then, her eyes locked on Sam’s, she licked the quickly melting chocolate from her fingers, drawing the digits inside her mouth to suckle them briefly before pulling them out again.  Sam sat up on the bed and began to strip off her clothes, frantically chewing the chocolate and making Janet chuckle as she pulled off her shirt and bra,

 

“Easy there, cowgirl, we have plenty of time.”

 

Sam’s brow furrowed at the remembered words.  The Sam that Janet said those words to was killed eight weeks ago.  _These memories aren’t mine anymore_ , Sam furiously blinked back tears and turned her face into the pillow, her hand now digging into the fabric of her pajama bottoms, forcing their way between swollen folds, searching for her defiantly throbbing clitoris and gasped aloud into her pillow as her fingers rubbed frantically through the thin fabric.

 

With aching slowness, Janet had climbed on top of her in the bed and Sam had watched as she deliberately dangled her breasts so just the tips brushed over Sam’s already stiffened and erect nipples.  Sam reached up and grabbed both with her hands, rubbing her thumbs over the sensitive tips, making Janet moan,

 

“Ohhh-nnno, my love, not yet.” and grabbing Sam by her wrists pushed her hands down to the bed.

 

“Janet…” Sam had breathlessly wailed, “Please, what do you want me to do?”

 

Resting her weight fully on top of her, Janet had breathed in her ear, her voice low and thick with desire, “I want you to do two things, my love. First, I want you to spread your legs,” she paused to drag the tip of her tongue up the length of Sam’s throat, making her shudder with delight, “and then, I want you to come in my mouth.”

 

Sam gasped aloud, first at the words and then again as teeth suddenly raked across a hardened nipple.  Unable to form words of any coherence, she simply obeyed and spread her legs as wide as she could while Janet kissed and licked and nibbled her way down Sam’s body.  By the time she had reached the heated apex between her legs Sam was already dangerously close to orgasm and she forced herself to breathe slower, closing her eyes in concentration.  But Janet was having none of it, she wanted to taste Sam and the last of the chocolate that lingered in her mouth at the same time and she firmly sucked first one engorged and ripened fold into her mouth, and then the other.  She moaned aloud as she moved her mouth over Sam’s opening and suckled deeply, her tongue firmly laving the slick, inner walls.  Sam had clawed and gripped the sheets with her hands, holding her sharp intake of breath and nearly biting through her lower lip.  She tried to prolong the exquisite attack but Janet was relentless.  She risked at look at the top of the thrusting and bobbing brunette head as three fingers were suddenly plunged deep inside her and a hot mouth clamped over her clitoris, making Sam’s head slam back on the bed.  Her back arched as Janet determinedly pumped her fingers in and out, her mouth making loud slurping, sucking and licking noises as she tugged at Sam’s straining clitoris in tandem with the sounds of wet coming from the fingers pounding in and out of her.

 

Gasping, her chest heaving, Sam balled the sheets beneath her in tightly clenched fists as she came, finally rewarding Janet with a rush of hot liquid as she cried out.  Janet drank her fill from her trembling body, closing her eyes in reverent contemplation as she licked her fingers clean and nuzzled Sam’s still quaking center, her hands gently stroking and smoothing over the quivering muscles and the slick, overheated skin of Sam’s thighs and belly.

 

“Janet…’ Sam raised her head enough to peer between still heaving breasts to look at her wife, “Janet…”

 

Resting her head on Sam’s thigh, Janet had looked up at her, a slightly smug and satisfied smile tugging at her lips, “I’m gonna’ love being married to you, Samantha Carter.”

 

Lying alone in the dark of her room, Sam ground herself against the fingers that still rubbed with a desperate fury against the small, thrusting bundle of nerves.   Finally, her body suddenly stiffened beneath the covers as the orgasm overtook her and in shame, she turned her face into the pillow as she came, her hips undulating against her hand.   As the tremors shook her she began to cry deep, heart-wrenching sobs,

 

“Janet…” she whimpered in soft, tortured anguish, “Janet…”

 

Curling herself around the hand still pressed between her legs, she cried until she fell into an exhausted slumber, and as she slept her body twitched and convulsed, assailed by memories that belonged to a dead woman.

 

~

 

Days passed along with the nights.  During one of her early treks to the bathroom Sam made her one and only trip from the bedroom to limp into the kitchen and unplug the phone and answering machine.  Returning to her bedroom she unplugged the phone next to her bed before crawling back under the covers. Once, she heard knocking at the door and wondered vaguely what the sound was that seemed to come from various points outside the house before she retreated once more into sleep.

 

After several days of doing nothing but sleeping and having the occasional drink of water, she was surprised when she reached to pull her Beretta from the drawer in the bedside table and nearly dropped it, it felt so heavy in her hand.  Unaware of how weak she had become, she struggled to sit up and using her good hand, painfully eased her injured leg over the side of the bed and pushed herself until she was sitting upright.  Once more she reached inside the drawer, and getting a careful grip on the weapon this time, pulled the handgun from the drawer and lowered it clumsily to her lap.  Pushing the drawer closed, she returned to her supine position on the bed.  Unable to hold up the gun while lying on her back, she turned on her side and rested the Berretta on the mattress in front of her.  She gazed down the barrel with mild interest for a few minutes before pushing the gun under her pillow.  Her hand still wrapped around the grip, she fell into a fitful sleep and dreamed of kneeling on a cold and foggy shoreline and screaming, and screaming, and screaming….

 

Hours later, when the darkness outside her window finally matched the darkness of her room, she awoke and pulled her hand from under the pillow.   She was disoriented for a moment when the gun emerged along with her hand and she stared at its dark outline for a long time before she drifted off once again.  For nearly two days she kept her hand on the gun, pushing it under her pillow when she struggled from the bed to go to the bathroom and pulling it back out when she finally limped painfully back to bed. As time passed, her leg felt as though it was getting worse, not better, as did her other injuries.  The bruises on her arms throbbed and her shoulder burned all the time but the wound in her side gave her the most difficulty of all her old injuries; any movement at all now, even a mild increase in respiration caused pain that was increasingly difficult to bear.  But all of it was nothing compared to the pain she felt in her chest; every beat of her heart now caused greater and greater pain that radiated out to intensify the pain felt in all her other wounds and tears spilled from her eyes nearly every time she drew breath.  _Please make it stop_ , she pleaded silently as more tears ran from the corners of her eyes, spilling over the bridge of her nose and soaking the salt-encrusted sheet beneath.

 

She weakly pulled the gun to her and gazed hypnotically at the dull shine on its black surface.  Could she do it?  Did she have what it takes to make the pain stop?  _Because this would do it_ , she thought resignedly, _this would make it stop.  If I just pushed the end of the barrel against my heart and pulled the trigger I could make it all stop._   She gripped the gun by the barrel and slid it toward her on the mattress until the end of it rested against her breastbone. _All I’d have to do is pull the trigger and it wouldn’t hurt anymore,_ she crooned silently.  Fresh tears sprang from her eyes and she sobbed brokenly; _Janet would be so angry … and disappointed._   Sam turned to hide her face in the pillow and wept.  She couldn’t make the pain stop, she couldn’t do that to Cassie, or the Janet she lost in a firefight so long ago… or the Janet who lost her Sam twice; the Janet who lived on, without her, in an alternate reality somewhere.

 

Pushing the gun half under her pillow, Sam moved her head down to rest the side of her face against her hand and cold steel.  As her tears eventually subsided, she drifted off, the pain following her, relentless, and she slept breathing in the alluring smell of sulfur and lead, still in love with Janet, and now in love with death.

 

~

 

“Welcome back, Teal’c!”

 

Teal’c stopped at the bottom of the ramp to bow formally to Walter in the control room, “Where is Daniel Jackson?”  He asked.

 

“Uh… I dunno, his, uh… lab?”  Walter guessed.

 

Teal’c gave another small bow and left the gateroom.  He indeed found Daniel Jackson in his lab along with Vala Mal Doran.

 

“Teal’c,” Vala greeted him, “how are things on Chulak?”

 

“Challenging as ever.”  Came the concise reply, he then turned to Daniel Jackson, “How is Colonel Carter?”

 

“She’s home.”  Daniel said and then turned to pull a book from its shelf.

 

The Jaffa’s eyes narrowed, “And how is she?”  He asked again.

 

Daniel shook his head, “I don’t know, she’s not answering the door and she disconnected her phones, every time I call I get that weird, uh, tone…” His voice abruptly faded as he opened the book on his worktable and flipped aimlessly through the pages.

 

Vala only looked at Teal’c and shrugged.

 

“Then we must force our way into her home to be certain that she is alright.”  Teal’c decided rather matter-of-factly.  “It may be the only way to ensure that her grief has not overwhelmed her.”  Daniel’s head shot up from his book,

 

“Oh… I don’t think…”

 

“Uh, excuse me?”  Dr. Lam stood in the doorway, looking out of place in her civilian clothes, having left her labcoat in her office.

 

Daniel and Vala turned to smile at the doctor; Teal’c merely nodded and bowed formally.

 

“Come on in.”  Daniel waved her in, wanting more than ever just to be left alone.

 

“I, uh…” Dr. Lam stepped in the archeologist’s lab a bit uncertainly, she didn’t know these people very well and she was reluctant to be too open with them.  “I know Colonel Carter is your friend, so I wanted to… to…” she faltered, unsure how to proceed.  Inwardly rolling her eyes in exasperation at her own nervousness she shrugged and plunged ahead, “Look, Colonel Carter hasn’t shown up for even one of her check-ups or physical therapy appointments this week and I can’t seem to get her on the phone.  I know you guys are keeping close tabs on her, but you have to let her know that if she doesn’t come in so I can check on her progress I’m gonna’ have to intervene in an official capacity, and that would include a psychiatric evaluation, you know?”  She stood at the worktable and tapped lightly on its surface as she spoke.

 

She watched quietly as the three exchanged looks with each other before Teal’c finally spoke up, “We appreciate your concern, Doctor Lam.  We were, in fact, just on our way to see Colonel Carter.  I am certain no official intervention on your part will be necessary.” and giving her a formal bow, motioned for Daniel and Vala to precede him from the lab.

 

~

 

Teal’c remained silent as he drove, listening to Daniel discuss how they were going to break into Sam’s house that wouldn’t cause a lot of damage or piss her off.

 

“You are assuming that she hasn’t already killed herself or fallen ill or something else?”  Vala asked from the back seat.

 

Daniel shot her a dark look, “Why are you here?”  He demanded.

 

“Well, I haven’t anything else to do at the moment.”  Vala shot back, “And Sam is my friend too.”

 

“Oh, really.” Daniel said, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

 

Teal’c suddenly swung his SUV to a stop in front of Col. Carter’s house and raising his voice slightly to be heard over Daniel and Vala’s arguing he announced, “We have arrived.”

 

Without preamble Teal’c walked directly to the front door and withdrawing a small gun-like object from the pocket of his slacks, he inserted the nose-end of the device into the door lock.  Squeezing the trigger rapidly several times, he quickly popped the lock, turned the knob and opened the door.

 

“You know, you could’ve told me you had that.” Daniel muttered as he stepped inside.  Once inside he unconsciously held his breath, afraid the odor of death would assail him.  Almost as if she read his mind Vala whispered,

 

“Well, I don’t smell the foul stench of death, anyway.”

 

Daniel suddenly expelled the breath he was holding and turned to her, keeping his voice low he hissed, “Please stop talking.  Could you please just stop talking?”

 

Vala rolled her eyes at him; “It smells a bit stale in here, mind you, but not awful.”

 

Ignoring the pair, Teal’c silently walked past them and down the dark hallway,

 

“Colonel Carter?”  He kept his voice low and paused in the bedroom doorway, “Colonel Carter, are you alright?”

 

Daniel brushed past him and flicked on the overhead light, “Sam?”  He called to her, his voice uncertain.  Vala walked around to the other side of the bed and knelt on the mattress,

 

“Hello?” She said quietly and reached out a hand to gently stroke dirty blond bangs from the sleeping woman’s eyes.

 

“J’net?”  Sam mumbled and she withdrew her hand from under the pillow as she awoke, the gun emerging as well. Vala’s eyes widened at the handgun and she quickly reached to gently take the semi-automatic from her and turned to hand it to Daniel who just as quickly handed it to Teal’c.  Gingerly, Vala turned Sam on her back and she emitted a soft groan.

 

“I’m sorry, Sam,” Vala crooned, “easy there.” She gently stroked Sam’s hollow cheek, noting the slight flush and how unnaturally warm her skin felt to the touch.

 

“Uh, no Sam, it’s us...”Daniel stepped forward, “we were worried about you and…”

 

 “Daniel?”  She murmured, blinking her sensitive eyes against the harsh overhead light.

 

“Sam, you haven’t been answering your door… or your phone either, for that matter and…”

 

As Daniel rambled on Vala continued to stroke Sam’s arm, alarm rising within her as she felt her way up the thin and bruised, emaciated limb, “Daniel,” she tried to interrupt.  But Daniel ignored her and continued to ramble on about how much she had worried them, “Daniel!” Vala raised her voice, making him jump and Sam flinch, “I’m sorry, Sam,” she soothed, and pulling the covers down to Sam’s waist, raised her pajama top just high enough to expose her prominent ribcage.  “You can stop blathering now, I think she has a fever as well… we have a real problem on our hands.”

 

Sam finally seemed to recognize the people standing in her bedroom, “Vala?” She asked questioningly, “Daniel?”  Shielding her eyes with her hand, her head dropped back tiredly against the pillow as Vala pulled her top down again, “Teal’c.”  She whispered; her voice weak.

 

Daniel had finally stopped talking.  He had, in fact, stopped himself by clamping a hand firmly over his mouth at the horror of seeing Sam’s wasted and shrunken form.  He swayed dizzily on his feet for a moment before stumbling forward to kneel at her bedside, “Oh my god, Sam.”  He whispered; his voice hoarse, “Oh, Sam.” and reached to pull the covers down past her knees, “We have to get you out of here.”  He reached to lift her from the bed; “We have to get you to the infirmary right away…”

 

Sam weakly put up her hand to push him off, “No…”

 

“Yes, Sam…” Daniel slipped one arm under her legs and the other under her shoulders and lifted her when Sam suddenly cried out in pain.  He quickly lowered her to the bed again, terrified by her harsh, shallow breathing.

 

“Shhh, easy now...”  Vala quickly reached to soothe her; stroking her face and smoothing blond bangs from her forehead, “I think we need to find another way.”  She said, looking pointedly at Daniel.

 

“Are you kidding me?”  He turned to her in disbelief.  “She needs help now!”

 

“I believe if we called her, Doctor Lam would assist us.” Teal’c finally spoke and approached the bed.

 

“Would she come here?” Vala asked.

 

“I think we should ask.” Teal’c answered her.  “I will call her from the other room.”  He added and looking at Sam with alarm, hurried from the bedroom.

 

Daniel took Sam’s hand in his and sat on the edge of the bed, “Sam,” he said, and unconsciously imitating Vala, reached to stroke dirty blond bangs from her face, “I’m so sorry, Sam.”  He gazed down at the gold band that now loosely encircled Sam’s impossibly thin ring finger. “Before Mitchell brought you into the other Daniel’s lab, he, the other Daniel, told me about you and Janet…” he looked from the thin hand he held to the gaunt face and the sunken, lifeless eyes, “he told me how happy you were and… and,” his eyes brimmed and his voice cracked, “I’m so sorry Sam, I tried to get the mirror fixed, but it… it’s not possible.”  He made a choking noise and sniffed loudly, “I’m so sorry.”

 

Sam’s harsh breathing had slowed, but the effort to resist Daniel’s attempt to get her up had taken what little energy she had left and she lay unmoving in the bed.  Her lips hardly moved as she spoke, “S’alright, Daniel.” She whispered faintly.  “Not your fault…”

 

Vala returned from the bathroom where she had drawn a glass of water from the faucet for Sam to drink, “I thought you said you had another mirror.”  Vala said as she sat next to Sam on the other side of the bed and Daniel pulled her, as gently as possible, into a sitting position so Vala could fluff and pile the pillows behind her.

 

“We did,” Daniel explained, “but Hammond had it destroyed years ago.”  Easing an arm around her, he gently cradled Sam’s head against his shoulder and put the glass of water to her parched lips.  She barely sipped at it and he begged her, “Please Sam, a little more, alright?”

 

Vala rose from the bed and walking over to the bureau, started rooting in the drawers, looking for a fresh pair of pajamas, “So why don’t you just get another mirror if you still have the remote?”  She asked.

 

“How?  From where?”  Daniel asked, “I don’t know where to find another mirror.”

 

“Ah!” Triumphant, Vala pulled a clean pair of pajamas from the drawer and turned back to him, “Well, I do.”

 

~

 

Cassie spotted the large Jaffa as she exited the air terminal and waved as she approached.  Teal’c wrapped both arms around her in warm hug and Cassie smiled in spite of herself, remembering how sensing the symbiote he used to carry would terrify her if he came within ten feet.  Daniel had called her the night before to tell her about Sam, being quick to add that Dr. Lam had agreed to come to the house to care for her and that SG1 was pulling round the clock duty watching over her.

 

What Daniel didn’t tell her was that Dr. Lam had gone ballistic when she saw Sam’s condition and it was only when Sam tearfully begged not to be taken back to either the infirmary or anywhere else that Dr. Lam relented, if reluctantly.  Sam’s house now resembled a hospital as she now required supplemental oxygen and intravenous fluids and antibiotics to battle the dehydration and infection causing her low-grade fever.  She was in such a weakened state Dr. Lam was afraid she could still arrest and insisted on hooking her to a portable EKG monitor, a portable defibrillator sat open and at the ready on her bureau.

 

Cassie was introduced to the stern Dr. Lam in the kitchen and quickly excusing herself headed directly to Sam’s bedroom, giving a small, silent wave to Vala, who sat in a chair keeping watch over their patient.   Dr. Lam told her Sam was in “serious and guarded condition,” but Cassie was still unprepared for the gray, skeletal form that lay in the bed and she swallowed nervously, suddenly scared, as she approached,

 

“Sam?”

 

Slowly, Sam’s sunken eyes opened and she smiled weakly as her eyes focused on the young woman, “Hey, kiddo.”  She whispered; her voice barely audible.

 

“Jesus, Sam.”  Cassie approached the bed and sitting gingerly on the mattress next to her, bent to place a kiss on her forehead, “What… what?”  She was a loss for words and Sam reached to weakly grasp her hand,

 

“It’s okay.”  She murmured.

 

“No, Sam, it isn’t.”  Cassie shook her head as she sat back up again, suddenly angry, “Do you know how pissed mom’ll be when she finds out?”

 

Sam looked confused, “Cass…”

 

Cassie looked down at the hand she held in both her own, “I mean, the Janet who wears the other ring,” she raised Sam’s hand and moved the ring with her thumb, “the one that looks just like this one.”  She looked at Sam meaningfully, “Sam, I’ve been in contact with the Cassie from your other reality.”

 

“What?”  She rasped and weakly gripped Cassie’s hand, “What are you talking about?”

 

“Daniel had just called me to tell me about you and after I hung up the phone I was sitting alone in my dorm room…  I was thinking about you so hard… and then all of a sudden I was in this,” she frowned in concentration before continuing, “I don’t know, it was like this middle place, and the Cassie from your other reality was there too.”  She looked down at the thin hand she held in her lap, “Sam, that Cassie told me how happy you and mom were, together in that world.”  Teal’c quietly entered the room, followed by an equally silent Daniel, and Vala rose from the chair she’d been sitting in, “Mom needs… the Janet in that reality needs you.  You have to go back.”

 

Tears filled Sam’s eyes and she shook her head, “I can’t, Cassie.  The mirror was totaled this last time.”  She sniffed and tried to draw a deep breath, wincing at the pain in her side.  “Besides, I can’t be that selfish again… I can’t leave you.”

 

“You won’t”, Cassie argued, “once we get you through the mirror the other Cassie and I can switch places anytime, so I can visit.”

 

“You can’t, kiddo.”  Sam’s eyes were sorrowful, “Mirror travel is risky, Cass, if one of the mirrors stopped working….”

 

Cassie interrupted her, “We don’t need the mirror to switch places, Sam.  We just think about switching places at the same time and it’s done.”

 

“What?”

 

“When we were in that middle place we tried concentrating on trading places, you know?  Just to see what else we could do.  And just like _that_ , I was in her room and she was in mine, and it was weird, ‘cause we could still talk to each other in our heads, you know?  We did it over and over, just to get used to doing it….” Cassie was smiling now and she gave her parent’s hand a warm, enthusiastic squeeze, “So it’s okay, Sam, go through the mirror and be with mom…”

 

“Cassie,” Sam squeezed her hand, her eyes pained and imploring, “The mirror can’t be repaired and we don’t have another.”

 

Cassie’s face fell as she searched the depths of the older woman’s eyes, “But...” her voice failed her as a lump formed in her throat, quickly cutting off the rest of her words.

 

Sam let go of her hands to grasp her arm, giving it a warm, if weak squeeze, “It’ll be okay…”

 

Vala nudged Daniel who stammered, “Uh, actually, Vala here may know where we can get another one… mirror, I mean.”

 

***

 

She stood at the bureau, staring down at the carefully folded flag in its case and reaching out, slowly pulled it to her.  She looked from the flag she held in her hands to the mirror on the bureau.  Staring into her own eyes she blinked, not seeing herself or the room behind her.  She stared hard into the mirror, her concentration total,

 

 _Please_ , she begged the glass; _please, I need her.  Please bring her home to me…please.  Oh, please…._

 

Her eyes brimmed and she blinked back the tears, but the mirror only reflected the room and her haunted appearance.  She gripped the flag in frustration and her vision blurred as the tears slipped from her eyes only to fill with more.

 

 _Please_!  Her heart screamed.

 

~

 

“How is she?”  Cassie asked as she entered the house, dropping her bags by the door.

 

Vala wrapped her in a fierce hug and murmured, “She’s holding up, but she’s been having lots of nightmares so she doesn’t sleep much…”

 

“It’ll be okay.”  Cassie let go of her, smiling, “Really.”

 

Vala raised her eyebrows at her, as did Teal’c and Daniel, “Really?”  Daniel asked as he stepped forward to enfold the teen in a hug.

 

“Yeah,” Cassie smiled at him, “Just let me talk to mom first.”

 

“I do not…” Teal’c began but was cut off by a loud crash from Sam and Janet’s bedroom and the four took off at a run.

 

“Mom!”  Cassie exclaimed as she flung herself around the doorjamb and into her parent’s bedroom.

 

Janet stood in front of the bureau, surrounded by broken glass, having smashed the mirror with the encased flag.  She turned uncertainly at the sound of her daughter’s voice, a dazed and slightly vacant expression on her tear-stained face.

 

“Cassie?”  She asked, blinking, her eyes unfocused.

 

Teal’c noticed she was barefoot in her jeans and shirt and rushed forward to sweep her up into his arms, and her bare feet away from the broken glass she was stepping on and placed her on the bed.

 

“Oh my god, mom!”  Cassie and the others rushed forward, Cassie to gather up her mother in her arms and Vala and Daniel to closely inspect her feet and hands, checking them for cuts and imbedded glass.

 

Cassie kept her arms wrapped tightly around her mother and squeezed her eyes closed, “Jesus, mom, you scared me half to death.”  She eased back from her parent and gave her shoulders a little shake, “But I need you to come back to us now, okay?  I need you to really listen and hear this.”  She let go of the smaller woman and eased her back against the pillow, before turning to the others, “I need you all to hear this, okay?”

 

~

 

After Cassie explained her meeting with the other Cassie and that they were able to talk to each other in the middle place and even switch realities with each other, she drew a deep breath and continued, “Mom, they’re getting another mirror.”

 

Janet sat up on the bed and clutched at her daughter’s hands, “Cassie?”  Her eyes brimmed again and Cassie smiled encouragingly at her and continued,

 

“The other Vala knows where another one is, so SG1 is going to go get it so Sam can come home.”

 

Tears suddenly sprang from Janet’s eyes and a sob broke from her even as a smile broke on her face, “Oh, Cassie…” She cupped Cassie’s face in her hands, “Honey, are you sure?”

 

“Yes, mom,” the teen felt tears fill her eyes, “They’re going to get it this weekend, they think it’ll take maybe three or four days.  It might take a week, but mom,” she clutched at her mother’s hands, “Sam is in really bad shape.”  She could feel her mother’s hands still and her smile froze.

 

Janet’s voice shook as she asked, “How bad?”

 

Cassie pulled the hands from her face and held them in her lap, “Sam was… was unable to deal with being back in a reality that didn’t have you in it.”  She said simply, shrugging her shoulders, “She went home and just kind of, started wasting away.  She stayed in bed this whole week.  Apparently she just stayed in bed and slept the whole time.”

 

Janet pressed her lips together and closed her eyes; pain crossing her features.

 

“But,” Cassie squeezed her hands, “but SG1 got to her in time and there’s a doctor taking care of her….  She’ll get better now, mom.  And as soon as they get that mirror back Sam can come home.  Do you hear me?”  She asked her mother.  “She’s coming home…so you need to get your act together, okay?”

 

Janet smiled tremulously at her daughter, “Okay.”

 

“That’s incredible.”  Daniel breathed behind them.

 

“Yep.”  Cassie agreed and rose from the bed, still holding Janet’s hand.

 

“Is there anything we should be doing to facilitate Samantha Carter’s return?” Teal’c asked.

 

Cassie shrugged, “I don’t think so.  Unless she tells me otherwise the other Cassie just said to be ready when the time comes to turn on our mirror so Sam can come back to us.”

 

Janet closed her eyes, grateful she was sitting down because she was sure she would have fallen down she felt so lightheaded from her daughter’s announcement.

 

“Uh, guys,” Cassie looked at the trio, a little uncomfortable, “I don’t mean to be rude, but the other Cassie would like to talk to mom for just a minute… alone, if that’s okay?”

 

“Y-You mean right now?”  Daniel stammered, still overwhelmed by the sudden good news.

 

“Well, yeah.  She said she’d like to see her, just for a few minutes, okay?”

 

The three team members quickly assured her it was fine and wearing huge smiles on their faces, each stepped forward to give the mother and daughter a congratulatory hug as they left the room, Teal’c quietly closing the door behind them.

 

Cassie turned back to Janet and briefly placed her hands on the smaller woman’s shoulders, “Just stand here for a minute while we get connected and make the switch, okay?”

 

Janet nodded, a small smile crossing her bemused expression, “Okay.”

 

Cassie smiled and dropping her hands down to her sides, closed her eyes and began to take deep, easy breaths.  Janet stood, quietly watching her, wondering how this switch was going to take place when she blinked and suddenly, her daughter was standing before her in different clothes.

 

“Mom?’

 

“Cassie?”  Janet asked, and the young woman suddenly burst into tears and grabbed her in a fierce hug.

 

“Mom,” the other Cassie sobbed, “I’ve missed you so much.”

 

Janet hugged her back just as fiercely, her smile and tears lost in Cassie’s t-shirt, “I love you.”  She whispered tremulously, remembering what Sam had told her about her counterpart’s fate in this other Cassie’s reality.  “I love you so much, Cassie, no matter where I am.” She pulled back and placing her hand on her other daughter’s cheek, she looked up into her eyes and said, “ _Everywhere_ I am, understand?”

 

Sniffing, Cassie smiled, “Yeah.” She said and chuckled, “that sounds like something you’d say.”

 

Janet wiped the tears from her face and chuckled, “I guess we Fraiser’s don’t change much from one reality to the next….” She sniffed loudly, “So you and Cassie can really switch realities whenever you want?”

 

Cassie nodded, “Yeah, really.”

 

“So Sam and I can still spend part of the holidays and school breaks with you?”  She nudged her playfully, “You know, those parts of the holidays you don’t spend with your friends.”

 

“Or Uncle Jack.”  Cassie finished and she laughed, more tears spilling down her face.

 

“Or Uncle Jack.” Janet repeated and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

 

“Okay.”  Cassie heaved a sigh and stepped in to give Janet one more, brief hug, “I have to go back, but I’ll see you again, alright?”

 

“Alright.”

 

Cassie turned to look briefly around the room and noticed the shattered mirror and its remnants still lying scattered on the bureau and carpet,

 

“Jesus, mom, what happened?”

 

“Oh,” Janet sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve, “I had a moment….”

 

“A _moment_?”  Cassie asked disbelievingly.

 

“Yeah,” Janet sighed and parked her hands on her hips and shifted her weight to one bare foot, “Just a moment, but the mirror still broke.”

 

“Oh-kaaay…”

 

Smiling softly, she reached to take Cassie’s hand in hers and gave it a squeeze and a small shake, “Please tell Sam….” Her voice wavered and she tried vainly to keep it steady, “Tell her I love her.  Tell her to get well, because I’m here, and I’m waiting for her to come home.”

 

***

 

Daniel was nervous and adjusted his glasses for the umpteenth time.  Sitting in General Landry’s backyard with a beer in one hand was, in his opinion, the least relaxing way he could think of to spend a Sunday afternoon.

 

“Thanks for coming over, Doctor Jackson.”  The older man sat in the rattan chair opposite him and tipped the beer bottle against his lips.  “Ah…” the general smacked his lips in appreciation, “We just don’t get enough of this, do we?”

 

“Beer?”  Daniel asked.

 

“No,” the general snorted, “Down time, Doctor.”

 

Daniel only nodded, clearly uncomfortable.

 

“So,” the general sat back in his chair to regard the archeologist, “why would I ask you to drag yourself all the way here on your day off?”

 

Daniel’s eyebrows crept up his forehead, “To, uh… t-t-to ask me about Sam?”

 

Landry’s eyebrows rose as well, in surprise, “Why yes, Doctor Jackson, actually I…”

 

“She’s doing better.” Daniel interrupted him, “She had a difficult time making the transition back to our reality, but she just needed some rest and she’s on the mend now….” His voiced trailed off.  He wasn’t about to reveal how close to killing herself via starvation and dehydration she had come.  All that mattered to Daniel now was that they had a plan to return Sam to the Janet in the other reality and Sam was really, finally, on the mend.  Although when she got back to her other reality she was going to be on medical leave for a very long time.

 

“Well, now that is good to hear, Doctor Jackson,” the general leaned forward in his chair and pinned Daniel with piercing slate gray eyes, “But that’s not really why I wanted to talk to you today… here, off the base, in my home.”

 

Daniel remained silent and the hand that clutched his cold beer suddenly became hot and clammy.

 

The general cocked his head to one side as he regarded the younger man, “I’m not a fool, Doctor Jackson; it was patently obvious to me that Colonel Carter was having a same-sex relationship when she was on the other side of that mirror.  And I am also aware that you and Teal’c and Vala tried to take off through the gate this morning without my consent or approval.”

 

Daniel could feel beads of sweat start to run down through his hair and down the back of his shirt,

 

“Uh, excuse me?”  He asked, blinking furiously.

 

“Oh, please!” The general waved his hand at him impatiently, “Anyone who could hear her in that observation room and had even half a brain could figure it out, doctor!”  He exhaled noisily and tipped back his beer again.  “I don’t know how the military in that other reality regards such relationships,” and he leaned forward again lowering his voice, “but here, in this reality, Doctor Jackson, we have a, ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ rule, don’t we?”

 

Daniel only nodded.  In hindsight, here in the general’s backyard, it now seemed ridiculous to assume they could have kept Sam’s secret between just the four of them.

 

“General,” he began, “you never got to meet our Janet Fraiser.” He looked down at his beer bottle and began to pick at the label, “As far as I know she and Sam never had a relationship… beyond that of friendship here in this reality.  But I do know that after Janet was killed three years ago…” Daniel heaved a sigh and held the bottle still in his hands, “Well, Sam was never the same after that.  She dated men, but nothing ever worked out for her.  She was actually engaged to a nice guy… but after her father died she broke it off.”  He sat back in the chair and looked the older man in the eye, “Sam is strong, dedicated, loyal, brave, and brilliant….  She’s everything that you, as her commanding officer, would want from a soldier and scientist that, amazingly and almost routinely, saves our asses and this universe on a fairly regular basis.   But she’s never been happy, General… never.  And I’ve known her a long time.  She was never happy until she fell through that mirror and into a reality where Janet Fraiser was still alive… and loved her.”

 

The general sat back in his chair while Daniel told him about the previous Sam Carter of the other reality; Sam and Janet’s happy marriage, the tragic loss when the other Sam was killed, and the quantum integration their Sam endured,

 

“Its’ just love, General.  That’s all.  Sam was finally living a happy life.”  He leaned forward and placed his now warm beer on the table between them.  “So, if you’ve dragged me out here so you can gather evidence to hurt her, or punish her in some way…”

 

“Doctor Jackson,” the general smiled at him, “I didn’t call you out here to ambush you.”

 

“No?”  Daniel asked in disbelief.

 

“No.” the general replied, “I asked you here because, as much as it pains me that I have to keep reminding you, I am not stupid, doctor.  I know you and Teal’c and Vala, at least, plan to return her to that reality and I just want to know what your plan is so you don’t screw it up.”  And with that, he sat back in his chair and tipped back the rest of his beer, smiling as he watched Daniel’s eyebrows creep up his forehead and into his hairline.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes,” General Landry rasped, quirking his enormous eyebrows at the younger man, “Really.”  But the smile faded and after a moment he looked down at the ground and slowly shook his head, “After all my years in the military, Doctor Jackson, I will tell you this…” he looked up to peer meaningfully at Daniel, “ _in the strictest confidence_ ; that of all that I have been trained to believe…. Of all that I have embraced with absolute devotion about our military system my entire career, this is the one rule I will never understand or be able to find any sense in it of common good, purpose or decency… and that is how we’ve treated homosexuals in our military.”

 

Minutes passed and the pair sat mutely, only the occasional sound of a bird broke the uncomfortable silence.

 

“So,” the general asked, “where are you going to get another mirror?”

 

Daniel drew a deep breath, “Well, uh… actually, Vala knows where one is.  That’s where we were, obviously, going this morning when I received my invitation here, so…”

 

“So you were just going to bring the mirror back here and send Colonel Carter through it?”

 

“Pretty much.”  Daniel nodded, “Yeah, that was the plan.”

 

“And after she goes through?”

 

His eyebrows knit in a frown and he shrugged, “After she goes through, what?”

 

“How do we explain ourselves in the aftermath, Doctor?”  Daniel was unresponsive and Landry exhaled noisily, “First of all, doctor, we have to agree to keep Colonel Mitchell in the dark and out of the loop on this one, he is military and any involvement on his part could jeopardize his career.”  Daniel’s eyebrows began to creep back up his forehead as Landry continued, “I’ll find something important for him to do, and our official story will be that Colonel Carter was simply happier in that reality but we can never, _ever_ , tell anyone why.  Do you understand, Doctor Jackson?”

 

Daniel could feel his temper rise and he pursed his lips together in annoyance, “No, I don’t.  How can that possibly matter once she leaves?”  He demanded, “Once she’s gone, who will care?”

 

“If we let someone of Colonel Carter’s importance permanently slip through a quantum mirror and into another reality the IOA and the Pentagon will care, Doctor.  So it’s important that we not give them any reason to shut us down…”

 

“Or replace you with someone we cannot trust.”  Daniel finished for him.

 

Gen. Landry sighed and placed his empty beer bottle on the table, “It’s my intention to retire her with honors before she leaves, just let me know when that’s going to be.”

 

***

 

“Sir,” Col. Mitchell began, “I know how it looks…”

 

“Good,” Gen. Hammond cut him off, “it’s refreshing to hear a man take responsibility for his actions, Colonel.”

 

“No, sir, what I meant was I know how it looks but I did not deliberately throw Colonel Carter through the mirror…”

 

“So you could take command of SG1 again.” The general finished for him, “Prior to the mirror’s activation from the other reality you were in Doctor Jackson’s office to ask him to reconsider you for the position should Colonel Carter not return to duty, isn’t that true?”

 

“Yes…”

 

“And while you’ve made it plain and clear to me over and over again that leading SG1 has always been your ultimate goal, Colonel, it’s also true that your level of leadership skill clearly indicates that you are not a good match for the SGC.”

 

“I only lead a few short missions while on SG1, sir.”

 

“ _And_ while you lead SG2, colonel!  They were all near disasters!  I will not have the lives of my people jeopardized because of poor leadership.  You may have a natural talent for flying F-18’s, but…”

 

“Please, sir, her being here was obviously a mistake and now that she’s gone…”

 

General Hammond’s eyes suddenly blazed, “Don’t you dare finish that sentence, Colonel!  As of right now, you are out of here!  You’ve been reassigned to Mira Mar where you’ll teach our brave men and women how to fly like hot shot fighter pilots.  And if Colonel Carter never returns through that mirror, I promise you, Colonel, that’s all you’ll ever do for the rest of your career!”  The general abruptly turned in his chair, _“Walter!”_   He bellowed at the closed door.  Almost immediately the door opened and the diminutive sergeant peered around the corner,

 

“Yes, sir?”

 

“Have Colonel Mitchell escorted to his quarters to pack, then get him _the hell off my base!”_

 

~

 

“Hey.”  Vala set her tray on the table across from Janet, “Welcome back.”  She said, trying not to stare at the dark circles of exhaustion that still rimmed the older woman’s eyes.  Daniel and Vala had spent the past week in Sam and Janet’s house, waking each night to comfort Janet every time a nightmare left her shaking and tearful.

 

Janet nodded around a mouthful of food, “Mmm-thanks.”  She managed, and continued after swallowing, “I wanted to get back in the swing of things before Sam comes back.”  She stabbed another piece of beef on her plate with her fork and stopped.

Vala stopped unraveling the paper napkin from her flatware and reached across to gently clasp her hand,

 

“Hey, she _is_ coming back.”

 

Janet looked up at her and nodded, “I know.  I know she is, Vala.  But I just don’t understand; how could her SG1 abandon her like that?  How could they not know she was in trouble?”  She blinked back tears and looked back down at her plate, furiously stabbing at the food with her fork, “I just don’t understand how they could let her become so ill and not care enough to…”

 

“Janet,” Vala leaned forward, her voice imploring, “Maybe SG1 just isn’t that close in her reality.  We know from that mirror that not all SG1’s are created equal; it’s possible they work well together as a team, but their lives are not connected to each other otherwise… not like ours are.”  She shrugged, “They obviously just don’t have the bond with one another like we do.”

 

Janet heaved a weary sigh and rested the fork on the edge of her plate, “I know.” She shook her head, “I just….”

 

“We’ll get her home and she’ll be okay.”  Vala assured her and reached across the table to give the older woman’s hand another squeeze.  “You’ll bring her back….  We all will.”  A tear slipped from Janet’s eye and she only nodded and wiped it away, unable to speak.  Vala smiled and picking up her knife and fork looked at Janet’s plate of food, “What _on earth_ is that?”  She asked.

 

Janet sniffed and chuckled, “Its beef tri-tip and a salad.”

 

“You put the beef _on_ your salad?”

 

“Yeah,” Janet sighed and picked up her fork again, “I thought I’d skip the noodles and just concentrate on protein and vegetables today.”

 

“Getting yourself strong again for when she comes home?”

 

“Yeah.” Janet smiled a little tremulously at her, “Trying to.”

 

***

 

They sat in Sam’s living room.  Teal’c had carried her from the bedroom and she lay propped in the corner of the couch where Cassie and Daniel had bundled her in a comforter.  Sam’s shrunken stomach was unable to handle much more than soup so Teal’c made a hearty chicken soup from scratch and the group sat in a semi-circle around Sam, eating soup and making appreciative, slurping noises as they ate.

 

“Mmm-oh my, Teal’c this is really good.”  Vala enthused, “How did you learn to cook so well?”

 

Teal’c acknowledged the compliment with a formal nod, “I have learned many things since learning how to read the written language of the Tau’ri.”

 

Daniel had reached the bottom of his bowl and placed the edge to his lips to drain the remainder directly into his mouth, “No kidding, Teal’c, that was delicious.  But,” he looked at Vala, “for those who have yet to finish their _third_ bowl for the evening, we have to be going now.”

 

“Have you been counting?”  Vala asked.

 

“I thought only Teal’c ate that much.”  Daniel answered.

 

“So you do care what I do.”  She purred at him and seductively pulled the spoon from her lips.

 

“Yeah.” Daniel sighed resignedly, “We, uh, have to be getting back to the base if we’re going to get an early start through the gate in the morning.”  He looked at Sam and asked, “Is it alright if she takes the bowl with her, if I promise to bring it back?”

 

Sam nodded and chuckled softly, but it was Vala who answered, “As long as it comes back with a quantum mirror in it, it should be.” and she reached to grab the last of the crackers from the table.  Daniel scowled at her as he collected the rest of the bowls and spoons and took them into the kitchen where he quickly rinsed and set them in the dishwasher.

 

Sam had only managed half a bowl of soup and a few crackers but she felt sated nonetheless.  When Daniel returned from the kitchen she struggled to sit up straighter on the couch, “Thanks again, you guys,” her voice sounded scratchy from disuse, “I don’t know if you can really understand what this means to me,” she faltered for a moment, “but thank you.”

 

Daniel knelt at her side and took her hand in his, “We don’t want to lose you Sam, but we do want you to be happy.”

 

Sam nodded, her eyes glistening, “I will be.”

 

Daniel nodded back and quickly bent to place a quick kiss on her hand then placed another on her forehead, “We think we’ll be about four days in all, to bring this mirror back.”  He felt Sam’s ring with his fingers and looked down at it briefly, “Sam, you know it’s possible a million different things might have happened to this mirror since Vala saw it last…”

 

“I know,” Sam smiled tiredly at him, “It could be broken too, or lost, or… I know, Daniel.”

 

“Those are possible scenarios,” Teal’c intoned, stepping forward, “But know this, Samantha Carter; we will not rest until we have returned you to your true world.”

 

“Here, here.”  Vala agreed.  “Although I…”

 

Daniel threw her a disapproving look and stood, “Cassie?”  He called.

 

Cassandra returned from Sam’s bedroom where she’d been changing the linens on Sam’s bed, “All done.” She said, adding, “Are you guys taking off now?”

 

Teal’c nodded and Daniel answered, “Yep, the kitchen’s done so all we have to do is put Sam to bed.”

 

Teal’c stepped forward and gently unwrapped the comforter then reached to the IV stand and unhooking the bags of fluid and antibiotics, tucked them under Sam’s hand on her chest before picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom.

 

The doorbell rang and Vala answered it while Cassie and Daniel followed behind Teal’c and Sam.  Vala opened the door for the night nurse Dr. Lam sent from the academy hospital,

 

“Good evening, ma’am.”  The tall nurse nodded as Vala stepped back to clear the entryway for him,

 

“Yes,” Vala smiled, staring at his backside, “It certainly is.”

 

~

 

After assisting her with her morning ablutions the night nurse moved Sam to the couch in the living room, carefully propping her in the corner near the IV stand.  After he left Cassie hovered and fussed over her, pulling the comforter around her, tucking her in.  _Just like her mother_ , Sam smiled softly, “What a crappy way to spend your Spring Break, huh?”

 

Cassie only rolled her eyes at her, “Yeah, Sam, you totally killed my plans to get drunk and puke my guts out and bounce my boobs in one of the girls gone wild videos….”

 

“And how is it that you even know about those videos?”

 

“I could ask you the same question.”

 

Sam chuckled but Cassie noticed her face still turned red, “How about at least one egg and some toast this morning?”  She asked.

 

“Okay.”  Sam nodded and struggled briefly to free her good hand from the comforter and reached for Cassie’s, “Hey, kiddo?”

 

“Yeah?”  Cassie asked, and sat on the coffee table, taking her parent’s hand in hers.

 

“Thanks for understanding…. Thanks for letting me go, Cass.  I… I….”

 

“I know,” Cassie smiled at her, “It’s okay, Sam, it really is.  I wasn’t kidding when I said I was going to visit you guys a lot.  I really am looking forward to spending some time in a reality where no one cares that I have two moms.”

 

Sam’s eyes brimmed and she could only nod.

 

“And,” Cassie gave her hand a squeeze, “I think your other Cassie and I have a lot to learn about what else we Hak-Taurians can do.”

 

 _“Hak-Taurinas?”_   Sam blurted, amused.

 

“Yeah,” Cassie snorted and smiled conspiratorially at her, “Why not?”  Sam snickered softly as Cassie gazed at her, “Sam?”  Her voice dropped and she suddenly cleared her throat, “While you’re still here I want to thank you for being such a good mom to me since our Janet died.”

 

“Oh, Cassie,” her voice broke, “No, I haven’t…”

 

“Yeah, Sam, really…” But Sam closed her eyes and turned her head away; shaking it from side to side, “Stop it, Sam!”  Cassie’s voice shook as her own eyes brimmed, “Considering the pressure you’re under _all the time_ , you _have_ been a good parent to me, okay?  You have!”  Without letting go of Sam’s hand she quickly moved to sit beside her on the couch, “You _have_ been there for me, Sam.  You have… and before you go _I need you to know that…_ okay?”

 

Sam smiled tearfully at the teen and made a soft, choking noise trying to stifle a sob that broke from her anyway, “Jesus, Cass, you really are just like her, you know?”

 

Cassie smiled and sniffed loudly, wiping her nose on her sleeve, “Yeah, well, not _just_ her.”  There was a knock at the back door and Cassie looked up at the sound, “That’s Doctor Lam,” she said and looking back down into tired but contented blue eyes she added, “I definitely have the whole Fraiser-Carter thing going on.” and then rose from the couch and leaned to place a kiss on her parent’s brow before pushing herself back up and going to the kitchen to let in Dr. Lam.

 

~

 

Gen. Landry sat at his desk, his mammoth eyebrows pulled down low over eyes that glared at his open office door.  Unconsciously, he fingered the file that held his memo announcing Lt. Col. Samantha Carter’s impending retirement. He knew this moment was coming but he was still unable to wipe the look of supreme annoyance from his face.  He glared at the open doorway until a bald, bespectacled man swept in,

 

“Richard Woolsey.”  The general rose from his seat.

 

“General,” he smirked, “you don’t look surprised to see me.”

 

“That’s because I get a call every time someone tries to enter the base, Richard.”

 

Woolsey’s eyes narrowed fleetingly at the general’s familiarity before he sat in the chair across from him and continued, “I’m sure you know why I’m here, General, so I’ll be brief since I have a lot to do: we at the IOA and the Pentagon are alarmed at the notion that you are going to let one of the greatest minds in our military slip away forever through some alternate reality device…”

 

“It’s an early retirement, to be sure,” Landry interrupted him, “but it’s _her_ decision to make, nonetheless.  The Pentagon should just think of all the retirement checks she won’t be cashing here in this reality.”

 

“It’s not a question of economics, General.  The issue is not a simple one and you know it!  Colonel Carter is too valuable an asset…”

 

“She is not the property of the United States Air Force!”

 

Woolsey made a loud noise of exasperation, “Well, obviously, General, but in this case…”

 

“It’s not your choice, Richard!”

 

Color started to rise from the shirt collars of both men as their tempers flared,

 

“Actually, General; it is… I’m having Colonel Carter brought in so I can dissuade her from making such a poor decision that will have untold consequences on the future of our planet.”

 

Landry rolled his eyes, “Oh for chrissakes, Richard, she’s made up her mind and she’s going as soon as SG1 sets up the new mirror, so…”

 

“No, sir, she’s not.”

 

Landry noted the change in the other man’s tone, “What do you mean?”

 

“I have the authority to detain Colonel Carter here until she sees the folly of her self-serving attitude and agrees to stay.”

 

 _“Excuse me?”_   Landry exploded, “You can’t just abduct her and imprison her indefinitely for wanting to leave the Air Force!”

 

Woolsey rose from his seat, “Its being done as we speak, General, please don’t interfere.”

 

~

 

Dr. Lam greeted Cassie with a smile and walked briskly into the living room, “Good morning, Colonel,” she said as she came to a stop in front of her, her eyebrows quirking when she noticed her red-rimmed eyes, “how are you feeling this morning?”

 

Sam caught the look of concern and sniffed, smiling, “I may not look it, but really well, actually.”

 

Dr. Lam shrugged, “Okay,” and dropped her bag down on the coffee table, pulling at the stethoscope that hung around her neck, “I’m just gonna’ give you a quick check up and write any changes on the orders for the nursing staff, alright?”

 

“Okay.”  Sam replied as she struggled to open the comforter tucked around her.

 

Dr. Lam sat next to her on the couch and reached to help her with the buttons on her pajama top, “Is your day nurse here yet?”  She asked, placing the end of the stethoscope against her chest.

 

“No,” Sam answered softly, “not yet.”

 

“Mmm hmm,” Dr. Lam murmured distractedly, “I’m sure she’ll be here in a few minutes.”  Then fell silent as she listened intently to Sam’s heartbeat, listening for anomalies.  When she finally sat back up again both women heard a noise from the front of the house and Dr. Lam stood to look out the front window.  Three black SUV’s had pulled to a skidding halt in front of the house and stood with their doors hanging open, “Are you expecting company?”  She asked nervously.

 

The front and back doors suddenly burst open and men in black jumpsuits and automatic weapons held at their sides streamed into the house.

 

“Sam!”  Cassie screamed and ran from the kitchen to the living room.

 

Despite her weakness Sam fairly leapt from the couch and ran, stumbling toward Cassie, collapsing as the teen reached her.  Dr. Lam jumped onto the place Sam had just vacated on the couch to grab the IV stand that was about to fall, the IV lines having been pulled tight from Sam’s quick departure.  She snatched the bags of antibiotics and fluids from the stand and scrambled off the couch to stand protectively over the fallen colonel and her daughter.  Holding her hands outstretched to stop the advance of the Black Ops personnel, the IV bags dangling from one hand, she yelled,

 

“ _Stop!_   My name is Carolyn Lam and I am this woman’s doctor!  Stop where you are and tell me by what right you to break into this house!”

 

The last man to enter by way of the front door calmly walked up to her, “We have orders from the IOA and the Pentagon to return Colonel Carter to the base.”

 

Still breathing hard from the sudden exertion, Sam’s eyes closed tiredly in resignation and she slumped in Cassie’s arms.

 

“No!” Cassie screamed from her place on the floor, dread filling her as the full impact of what he said sunk in, “You can’t make her go!”  Her shaking arms wrapped tightly around Sam she stammered, “I-I-I mean you can’t make her stay!”

 

Without a word the men stepped forward and Dr. Lam held her ground, “This woman is under my care and I insist you _back off right now!”_

 

“Cass?”  Sam reached up and placed her hand on Cassie’s cheek, “Hey….” She tried to soothe the near hysterical teen, “Hey, kiddo, look at me.”  Cassie turned her face to her but shook her head,

 

“No, Sam….”

 

“It’ll be okay.” Sam tried to reassure her.

 

“No.”  Cassie begged brokenly, shaking her head.

 

“Yes, kiddo, it will.”

 

Two of the black-clad men stepped forward, “Wait!”  Dr. Lam’s voice took on a pleading tone; “I am this woman’s doctor on the base so if you’re going to transport her there then I have to go with her!”

 

The one in charge only nodded then motioned for the others to move in.  The two closest to her reached to help Sam from the floor,

 

“Careful!”  Dr. Lam stepped to one side, “Not that arm… lift from the back.  Watch the IV lines!”

 

Sam’s eyes never wavered from Cassie’s, “Its okay, kiddo,” she said softly, “its okay to let go now.”

 

“No.” Cassie whispered, “Sam, please.”

 

“Yes, Cass, it is.  It’s okay to let go….” Sam smiled tremulously, “Listen, I don’t want to you to stay here alone, okay?”

 

Cassie tried to answer but could only make a small sound of distress.

 

“Hey,” Sam shook her slightly with her good hand, “look at me.” Reluctantly, Cassie looked back down into pale blue eyes, “You know who to call when we leave, right?”

 

Cassie’s chin trembled and she nodded miserably as one Black Ops member firmly pulled her arms from around Sam.  With Dr. Lam’s constant stream of instruction, they carefully pulled Sam from the floor.  A look of pain crossed Sam’s face as she was helped to her feet and she pressed her lips together, a soft grunt escaping her.  She grimaced again as a rather large Black Ops member lifted her none too gently from the floor and carried her out.

 

“Sam?”  Cassie’s voice broke as they led her away, “I love you, Sam.”

 

As quickly as the men filled Sam’s house, they were gone and after a moment Cassie struggled from the floor and rushed to grab the phone from its charger.  Her hands shaking, she carefully dialed and listened to the phone ring three times before it was picked up on the other end,

 

“Aunt Sara?”  She stammered, her voice quaking, “Is Uncle Jack there?”

 

~

 

“Colonel Carter?”

 

Sam tiredly opened her eyes; her unfocused vision taking in the gray ceiling above her.  Blinking, she slowly turned her head toward the obnoxious voice addressing her,

 

“Colonel Carter?”

 

As soon as Woolsey’s face came into focus she allowed heavy lids to drop back down again.

 

“Colonel Carter, I’m Richard Woolsey…”

 

“I know who you are.”  She rasped weakly.  A shadow crossed in front of her and she opened her eyes again to take in the face of Dr. Lam who gently grasped her wrist, checking her pulse.

 

“I’ll just be a moment, Mr. Woolsey.”  She said without taking her eyes off Sam.  She let go of her wrist and raised her stethoscope to her ears, “Just rest now.” She murmured and leaned close to listen to Sam’s heart. “You’ll only be down here a short while, Colonel, we’re gonna’ move you upstairs in just a bit, okay?”

 

“Well now,” Woolsey cheerfully chimed in, “that all depends on the good colonel’s attitude, now doesn’t it, Colonel Carter?”

 

“Colonel Carter?”  Dr. Lam whispered.

 

“It’s okay.”  Sam murmured and closed her eyes.

 

Dr. Lam straightened up and gave Sam’s hand a soft squeeze, “I’ll be back in a few.” She said softly and left the room.

 

“Colonel, I brought you down here because we at the IOA and the Pentagon object to your selfish desire to leave our reality when your good friends and the people of this planet need you.” He rose from his chair to pace the room as he spoke, alternately clasping and making wide gestures with his hands, “Your intelligence and expertise is, quite simply, irreplaceable.  Now we are, of course, well aware of SG1’s current mission and your friends have been instructed to leave the quantum mirror where they found it and return to base.”  He stopped in front of his chair and squaring his shoulders, clasped his hands behind his back, “Your request for early retirement has been denied and you will stay down here in isolation, Colonel, until you give up this self-centered notion…”

 

Sam opened her eyes and reaching across her body, ripped the IV catheter from her arm.  Heedless of the blood spurting from her forearm, she then pulled the EKG wires from her chest, the nasal cannula from her nose and the pulse oximeter from her finger.  The alarms on the EKG and oximeter monitors started to flash and beep noisily.

 

 _“STOP!”_ Horrified, Woolsey rushed forward a few steps and then skidded to a halt and rushed back to the door, “Help her!”  He shouted to the guards as he ran to the phone.

 

~

 

By the time Dr. Lam returned Sam was ashen-faced and barely conscious.  Woolsey paced nervously behind her as she finished bandaging Sam’s arm,

 

“Is she going to be alright?”  He asked.

 

Dr. Lam turned to the nurse and whispered something to her and the woman abruptly turned and left.  Dr. Lam stripped off her gloves and spoke to Woolsey quietly,

 

“I don’t know, Mr. Woolsey, she’s only semi-conscious at the moment and she’s so weak now it’s probably not necessary, but I’m going to have to keep her restrained from now on.   I’ve just sent the nurse for wrist restraints and a posey vest to keep her from hurting herself again.”

 

“Hmm.”  Woolsey hummed and nodded in understanding as he followed her across the room to the door, “I see.”  He said, “And will she have to be restrained until she recovers?”

 

Dr. Lam turned to him, her rage barely contained, “Who said she was going to recover?”  She hissed, her tone deadly.

 

Woolsey’s mouth opened and shut like a fish, but no words came out.

 

“You’re excused, Mr. Woolsey.  You’ve done enough for one day.”  She turned away from him and stalked back to Sam’s bed, “I’m sure the four guards you have in here and the four you have posted outside are more than sufficient to monitor the colonel now.”

 

She approached the bed and rested her hands on the bedrail, looking down at the pale, ghost-like form in the bed.  She could hear Woolsey’s shoes click quietly across the floor as he left the room and her nurse, Susan, as she reentered the large isolation unit.

 

“Thanks.”  She said, turning to her, indicating the padded leather restraints and fabric vest she carried, with straps long enough to tie to the bed.  Looking down to check the freshly applied bandage on Sam’s arm she sighed heavily as she looked from the clean white of the bandage to the bloody sheets she still lay in so quietly.

 

“My god,” the nurse breathed, “what a mess.”

 

Carolyn Lam nodded, “Let’s get her cleaned up and back in a clean bed.”

 

***

 

Janet placed her hands over her closed eyes and rubbed tiredly.  She was exhausted but dreaded the act of sleeping.  The nightmares that awaited her there were more exhausting than if she had never gone to sleep, she was sure of it.  Pulling her hands from her eyes she turned onto her side, gazing through half-lidded eyes at Sam’s pillow before closing them.  She remembered the countless times she had awakened in this position; lying on her side and sleepily opening eyes that looked straight into deep blue and she smiled drowsily, despite herself.  But then, there was the other way she loved to wake up in the morning, or in the middle of the night for that matter.

 

Waking to Sam’s touches always felt different and new even though Janet knew that could not be so.  But as Sam’s hands roamed over her body, gently pulling her from deep slumber and into rising passion it always felt as though she wasn’t just touching her for the first time; her caresses seems to stroke her so deeply she seemed to touch her very core.  As though the hand smoothing around her back and down over her backside and beneath, to where her thigh began, brushing against the soft hair that covered the apex between her legs, made her feel as though Sam had penetrated her deeply, when she had not yet, in fact, even touched her center.

 

Janet sighed as she drifted off; there was nothing more beautiful than seeing Sam’s face overwhelmed by passion.  The sounds she made as she struggled to control her rising ardor, the cries and grunts and groans, and the deep, smoky shade of blue that gazed at Janet from beneath half-lidded eyes.  The way her eyebrows arched as she lost control when her climax approached, her expression turning at once from exquisite pain to equally exquisite pleasure as she writhed above her.

 

Janet reached a dream hand to caress Sam’s face as she came.  Resisting the urge to close her own dream eyes, she rode the wave of Sam’s climax, watching the flood of emotions on her beloved’s face as they transmuted from joy to pain to pleasure.

 

“Oh, Sam.” She breathed aloud in her room, emotion swelling within her as she dreamed.  As if in response to the spoken summons, the dream Sam opened her eyes as she came and looking down into Janet’s eyes, her expression quickly turned from passion to pain.  “No…” Janet murmured, her dream hands reaching up to clasp Sam’s face.  But suddenly Janet was looking down at Sam as she writhed in agony in a hospital bed, her pain-filled eyes suddenly slamming shut as her body suddenly arched and she threw back her head, screaming in agony.

 

 _“NO!”_   Janet cried as she ran, screaming Sam’s name over and over again as she ran to the mirror and pounded her dream hands on the darkening glass, watching in horror as Sam’s face twisted in torment on the other side.  The mask of anguish on her own face mirrored Sam’s as she clawed and beat on the glass as Sam screamed.

 

In their bed, Janet sobbed, making gasping noises as she clutched and clawed at her chest; surely her heart was being torn to pieces,

 

“Janet… Janet.”

 

Vala pulled at her hands as she called to her, pulling her as gently as she could from her nightmare.  Choking back her cries of distress, Janet suddenly stopped and opened her eyes as Vala gently stroked the damp hair from her face.

 

“Well, now,” Vala soothed, “That was a bad one.” and leaned to gather the smaller woman in her arms, gently clasping the shivering and sweating compact form to her, “There, now.  Easy...”

 

Janet buried her face in Vala’s neck as she struggled to stop the tears.  But the fruitless struggle only made her shake harder and several minutes passed as Vala comforted her.  She emitted a noise of utter frustration when Vala finally laid her back against her damp pillow,

 

“This is why trying to sleep is pointless.” She grumbled in a shaky voice as she wiped her face.

 

“I’ll get the shower going.”  Vala said as she pulled the covers back and helped her into a sitting position.  Janet gave no response and Vala sat next to her, taking her hands in hers, “Janet,” she pleaded, “She _is_ coming back, have a little faith…”

 

“I know,” Janet sniffed and closed her eyes, shaking her head from side to side, “but I can’t stop the ‘what ifs’, you know?  What if the mirror they’re going to get isn’t there or it’s broken too, or what if something else happens, what if they won’t let her come back?”  Her chin trembled and her voice shook uncontrollably, “You don’t know how many times I’ve almost lost her, Vala… and now I’ve really lost her twice and I don’t know if I can keep going if she doesn’t come back to me this time.” She looked away and struggled to control the despair even as a sob broke from her, “I don’t think the universe works that way,” her words ended in an agonized whimper and she hung her head as the tears fell again, “just because you love someone…”

 

Vala wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close, “We have to hang on…” she whispered against her hair, “This must be so hard, but hang on to hope, just a little longer, Janet, please.” She begged and rocked the smaller woman as she wept.

 

***

 

Daniel rushed to the DHD and dialed the coordinates as quickly as he could.

 

“I know they’re angry and coming after us but we have plenty of time.”  Vala crossed her arms, clearly offended.

 

Teal’c stood tensely next to the mirror propped on the ground next to him.  He kept his eyes closed; his acute sense of hearing straining for the sound of approaching soldiers who were in the employ a warlord who had apparently decided the deal he had struck with Vala for the mirror wasn’t so lucrative after all.

 

“I think finding bags full of gold painted lead weights instead of gold medallions might be incentive enough to hurry and catch up to us….” The event horizon blew open and Daniel rushed to the MALP, “Uh, hello?  SGC this is Daniel Jackson, we need you to open the iris… _like right now_.”

 

The speaker on the MALP crackled to life, “SG1, this is General Landry, we will open the iris, but you are not, under any circumstances to bring the quantum mirror back with you, do you understand?”

 

Teal’c opened his eyes to stare at the MALP and Daniel and Vala’s mouths dropped open,

 

 _“WHAT?”_   Daniel shrieked, looking nervously behind him, “Look, some of the inhabitants of this world are none to happy with us right now and…”

 

“SG1, I am giving you all a direct order,” General Landry bellowed, “If you bring that mirror here it will be destroyed on the ramp.  Is that clear?”

 

Daniel turned to look uncertainly at the others for a moment before rushing back to the DHD, “Yeah, okay, uh, we’re gonna’ give this mirror back then we’ll be right home, okay?  Thanks, bye!”  He hurried and shut down the gate, dialing again almost immediately.

 

“Are you mad?”  Vala grabbed his arm, “These people….” Her voice suddenly faded and cocking her head to one side she asked, “Where are you dialing now?”

 

“Chulak.”  He answered and turned to Teal’c, “Would it be okay if we stored this on your home world for a couple of days?”

 

“Indeed.”  Teal’c nodded and picked up the mirror and as soon as the event horizon opened again the trio ran together into the shimmering pool of light.

 

~

 

Walter waited for SG1 at the bottom of the ramp and spoke in a low voice when the three team members finally stepped from the ramp to the gateroom floor,

 

“I’m to escort you to the infirmary and I’ll tell you why on the way there.”

 

~

 

“I’m sorry to keep you waiting,” Dr. Lam apologized as soon as she entered the infirmary, “but if we’re going to have a private conversation we can’t have one in the hallway down there.”

 

“And how private is this room?”  Daniel asked.

 

Dr. Lam shrugged impatiently and continued, “As you know, Colonel Carter is being held in isolation and under heavy guard on level forty-seven.  She is in a heavily shielded room that, I’m told, should be resistant to Asgard transport beams or anything else of similar technology.”  She arched her eyebrows at them expressively before continuing, “Her condition was stable until she was interrogated by a Richard Woolsey from the IOA three days ago.”

 

The muscles in Teal’c jaw jumped and Daniel leaned his head back and closed his eyes in frustration, “Oh that just figures.”  He muttered under his breath.

 

“It wasn’t until he told her that you had been instructed to return without the mirror that Colonel Carter tore the IV catheter from her arm and the rest of the monitoring equipment…” her voice faded when she turned to look at Teal’c and noted how intensely the Jaffa’s eyes bored into hers; _calm down_ , she told herself, _he’s not pissed at_ _you_.  “The blood she lost was probably minimal, but given the condition she was in at the time she could ill afford to lose any....”

 

“And what is Colonel Carter’s condition now?”  Teal’c asked, the muscle jumping wildly in his jaw.

 

“Her condition is critical and it’s rapidly deteriorating.”

 

“So, how long should we wait before we try to send the colonel _home_?”  Vala asked, arching her eyebrows just as expressively as the doctor had earlier.

 

Dr. Lam sighed, tired of the games and double talk required of them.

 

“A couple of days?” Vala persisted.

 

Dr. Lam briefly closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose; a migraine was surely on its way, “I think she needs to see her daughter and I think you should get her here as quickly as possible to see her.”  She responded tiredly, “And if you don’t get the colonel _home_ , and very quickly…” She drew a deep breath; “it’s my opinion that she’ll be dead by the end of the week.”  Then she turned and left, her clicking heels sounding unnaturally loud in the suddenly quiet room.

 

“But this is Thursday.”  Daniel called after her.

 

~

 

 _“CASSIE?”_   Daniel shouted as SG1 burst into Sam’s house, “C-C-Cassie?”  He called again as the teen ran from Sam’s bedroom.

 

“General Landry says they won’t let her go!”  She wailed as she flung herself into his arms.

 

“I know, Cassie, I know.”  He pulled her away from him, “Cassie, listen to me, we have the mirror, okay?  W-We got the mirror and it’s on Chulak but we need to get it here, on Earth, and we need to hurry…”

 

Cassie sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve, “Uncle Jack and General Landry are arguing out back…” Panic suddenly suffused her face, “Why do we have to hurry?  What’s wrong?”  She asked, her voice rising, “What’s wrong?  Is Sam okay?”

 

~

 

General O’Neill paced testily around the group that sat at Sam’s dining room table, his arms folded and wishing desperately he had a paper clip or a yo-yo or something to fiddle with.  After listening to Gen. Landry and Daniel argue for several minutes about how to smuggle the mirror into the base Vala finally interrupted,

 

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, why re-invent the wheel?  Just concoct some business with Chulak and have them send us a gift or something and bring it back that way.”

 

“I’m game,” Jack suddenly piped up, “have Teal’c bring it back as a present for me…  I like presents,” He clapped his hands together and rubbing them impatiently he added, “Let’s go.”

 

Landry held up a hand, “Hang on there, we still need to get Colonel Carter up and out of the deep freeze first.” He shook his finger at the other general as he rose from the table, “And I know who can get that done for us.”

 

~

 

“Gotcha’ General,” Dr. Lam murmured into the phone, “Don’t worry, I know how to intimidate that sniveling little asshole.”  She stopped abruptly at the general’s sudden eruption of laughter.  She hadn’t expected _that_ response.

 

“I know you do, Doctor Lam,” her dad reassured her, “No one has ever intimidated my little girl.”

 

“Hey!”  Dr. Lam suddenly exploded, then lowered her voice again, “I’ll get it done, just get here.”  They rang off and she hesitated for a moment, a look of wonderment still on her face.  Never, ever, in her whole life would she have ever guessed she and her father would conspire together to commit an act of, well, _conspiracy_ against the government.  She snorted in disbelief as she picked up the phone again and dialed a cel phone number, “Mr. Woolsey?”  She said when he answered, “This is Doctor Lam; I’m calling to report on Colonel Carter’s condition…”

 

“Yes?” Came the curt reply, Richard Woolsey’s demeanor had turned cool and disinterested since Colonel Carter’s downward spiral.  Dr. Lam assumed he was distancing himself from any responsibility for her deteriorating condition.

 

“I’m calling because the colonels’ condition is rapidly deteriorating, Mr. Woolsey, and I have now downgraded her condition from critical to grave.” There was no response so she continued, “I’m calling you because you’re responsible, so you’d better think of something because the colonel really doesn’t want to live and if she goes on like this much longer she’ll simply arrest and die and if you think I’ll put anything on this woman’s death certificate other than murder as the cause of death or who killed her, then you are a fool.”

 

“Well then, doctor,” came the brusque reply, “administer anti-depressants.  You can just inject that into her IV as well, can’t you?

 

“Against her will?”  Dr. Lam shot back, indignant.

 

“You gave her one of those nasal feeding tubes against her will.” He countered tersely.

 

Dr. Lam’s eyes narrowed, “Fine, but do you really think by abusing her chemically or punishing her with imprisonment for simply wanting to live somewhere else she’ll just eventually come around?”

 

“It’s not that simple, Doctor...”

 

“Spare me your bullshit politics, Mr. Woolsey; I have to get back to my patient.”  She was about to hang up when she added, “If you really want to keep this woman alive she needs to see her daughter, she needs to see her friends _and she needs to see them now_.  Either that or start figuring out how you’re going to get your lawyer-ass out of the trouble I’m gonna’ stir up when she dies.”

 

~

 

“This isn’t going to work.”  Daniel muttered under his breath as he and Jack waited at the bottom of the ramp.

 

“Shut up, oh ye-of-little-faith.” Jack muttered back as he turned to motion impatiently to Walter, who only shrugged his shoulders from his place in the control room.

 

“It isn’t believable,” Daniel argued quietly, “none of them are going to believe…”

 

“Incoming wormhole!”  Walter suddenly shouted over the intercom, “It’s from Chulak.”

 

“Open the iris!” Jack turned to shout at the window.

 

The event horizon blew inward before settling into a shimmering pool of light and Jack rocked back and forth on his heels as he waited, “Anytime now…” He murmured impatiently.

 

Teal’c suddenly emerged through the gate, carrying a large, wooden case in one hand,

 

“Ah, thank you, Master Teal’c,” Jack said grandly, if a bit loudly; “if you’ll just give me a hand we’ll just take this to my office now.”

 

“You mean General Landry’s office,” Daniel quietly interjected as the trio left the gateroom.

 

“Yeah,” Jack muttered as he walked down the hallway toward the elevators, and turned to smile broadly at Teal’c, “whatever!”

 

“Jack!” Daniel hissed, “That’s not the way to Landry’s office…”

 

Jack gave him an impatient look, “We’re not really going to Landry’s office, dumbass.   There’s a room next to the infirmary, we going there.”

 

“You know it wouldn’t kill you let me in on your big plans as you’re making them up.”  Daniel hissed again.

 

They stopped in front of the elevator and Jack slid his keycard in the access port, “Oh, Jeez, Daniel, when are you gonna’ quit screwing around and get yourself laid?”

 

Teal’c stood quietly with a small smile on his face as Daniel rolled his eyes.

 

“You’re too testy, you’re wound _way_ too tight and you need to _relax_.” Jack continued as the doors slid open, “You know that Vala you’ve hooked up with seems like a bit of an adventurer.”  He gave Daniel a nudge as he stepped inside, “Know what I mean?  Huh?”

 

They moved the mirror to an empty room that connected to the infirmary where Vala and Cassie waited inside.  Cassie looked with wide eyes at the case as Teal’c set it on the floor and opened it,

 

“Is that it?” She asked a little breathlessly.

 

Jack draped an arm around her as he watched Daniel and Teal’c carefully remove it from the case and stood it on the floor, “Yep, Cassie, we’re gonna’ send Sam home through that,” he said, pointing at the dark glass.  Daniel gingerly backed away from the mirror and pulled the remote from his pocket, “Is Sam in the infirmary yet?”  He asked Vala, who shook her head,

 

“Dr. Lam went down a few minutes ago.”

 

Jack gave Cassie’s shoulder a small shake, “Okay, Cass, time to do your thing.”

 

Cassie turned her head to look up at her favorite uncle, “Okay.”  She gave him a small smile and took a step away, closing her eyes in concentration.

 

***

 

“Cassie?” Janet asked uncertainly as her daughter stood staring blankly at the kitchen counter, her hand holding a knife with a large dollop of grape jelly frozen in mid-air.  “Cassie?”  She asked again as the jelly slid from the knife and made a soft plopping noise on the countertop.

 

Daniel and the others fell silent in the living room at her concerned tone and as they rose from their seats Cassie suddenly blinked and blurted,

 

“Mom!  We have to get to the base!”  She rushed to her and dragged her from her seat at the dining table, _“We have to go!”_   She dragged her by the hand into the living room, shouting at them all, _“We have to get to the mirror right now!”_

 

***

 

“I’m sorry, Colonel… I’m so sorry.”  Dr. Lam repeated.  She quickly handed the nasogastric tube to a waiting nurse while her head nurse, Susan, delicately wiped the colonel’s face with a damp towel.  Removing a feeding tube from a patient’s nose was never comfortable for the patient and Dr. Lam quickly turned back, rushing to soothe her, “Easy, there…” she continued to murmur words of comfort as she quickly untied the posey vest and one of Sam’s wrist restraints so she could turn her on her side.  She placed the ends of her stethoscope in her ears and other end against Sam’s back, checking to make sure the woman’s airway was clear as she continued to make gasping and choking noises.

 

Sam had choked and struggled weakly as the tube was pulled from her stomach via her nose and in some deep, dimly aware part of herself she was ashamed of the pitiful begging and whimpering cries and gagging noises she made at its removal.  She was too tired to cry but her body still made heaving, sobbing noises.  “Please,” she had tried to beg, “please, no more…” but she could only make miserable, inarticulate noises of pain and grief.

 

Dr. Lam’s voice shook slightly as she turned Sam onto her back again and re-secured her restraints, “Hang on, Colonel,” she peered anxiously down at her, “We’re taking you up to see your friends now….  We’re taking you up to the infirmary.”  But Sam only closed her eyes and Dr. Lam pulled up on the rail until it clicked into place, “Okay,” she called to her staff, “Let’s move.”  And together with the phalanx of eight guards, the group left the isolation room.

 

Jack, Cassie and SG1 stood anxiously to one side as Sam was brought in the room, the shock registering on their faces when they finally saw for themselves the gravity of her condition as the medical staff pushed her bed past them and into a waiting alcove.

 

“Oh, my god...” Cassie breathed when she saw the restraints on Sam’s emaciated wrists and Jack squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, although he was unable to stop himself from staring at the woman he used to know.  His conscious mind seemed unable to accept what his eyes were seeing and he flashed a look at Teal’c.  The bond between them made the communication clear; if Richard Woolsey had been in the room at that moment Jack and Teal’c would have dealt with him in a manner that would have landed both in the stockade.

 

As soon as Dr. Lam and her staff finished re-hanging the IV bags and hooking Sam back up to the EKG and pulse oximeter and oxygen again the doctor motioned for Cassie to approach the bed.

 

Cassie tried not to run as she rushed to Sam’s side, “Sam?”  She reached under the sheet to hold her hand, “Sam?”  Slowly, Sam opened her eyes and turned her head to Cassie, her face expressionless.  Acutely aware of Woolsey’s guards that crowded the perimeter of the room, Cassie whispered, “You’re going to be okay.”  But Sam only stared vacantly with dull, lifeless eyes, “Sam?”  Cassie called to her again.

 

The room fell silent, only soft whooshing and beeping noises from the medical equipment could be heard until the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps made their heads turn collectively toward the doorway.  Gen. Landry entered the room, parked his hands on his hips and addressed Woolsey’s men,

 

“Well, now, this is quite a gathering, so it gives me a great deal of pleasure to inform you  all that Mr. Woolsey has just ordered Colonel Carter to be immediately transferred to the Academy Hospital so she can have a pleasant change of scenery.”  Jack raised his eyebrows but Landry only smiled broadly, “So, if you gentlemen will please wait in the hallway, I think the colonel would appreciate a little privacy while she is dressed for transport.”  The guards seemed to hesitate briefly until Gen. Landry cocked his mammoth eyebrows at them, _“Now.”_

 

Landry waited until Woolsey’s men filed out before he stepped forward to quietly address the group, “It’s true, Woolsey has taken Doctor Lam’s warning to heart and he’s on his way here now to supervise the transfer.” He looked at Jack, “Are you ready?”

 

“Oh yeah.” Jack nodded and Dr. Lam quickly stepped forward to pull the privacy curtain around Sam’s bed,

 

“Cassie, Vala?”  She motioned for them to join her at Sam’s bedside.  Dr. Lam quickly removed the wrist restraints and untied the posey vest Sam wore.  She then disconnected Sam from the EKG leads and her IV lines, leaving the connectors on her chest and the catheter in her arm in place.  Then she removed the nose cannula and pulse oximeter and grabbed a sling from the pocket of her labcoat.  Stepping to the curtain she poked her head out, “Could one of you please grab a wheelchair?”  She asked before ducking back inside.  She dropped the bedrail and Vala helped her gently pull Sam into a sitting position on the bed, Vala lifting her legs slightly then lowered them gently over the side.

 

As the women struggled to remove the posey vest without hurting her Sam asked, her voice barely audible, “What’s happening?” 

 

Cassie stepped close as Dr. Lam eased Sam’s arm into the sling, “Sam?” Cassie said softly, “Sam!” She stepped forward, interrupting Dr. Lam for a second as she cupped Sam’s face, lifting it to hers, “Sam?” She called to her, her voice softly pleading as she smoothed blond bangs from her parent’s pained and weary eyes, “Look at me, Sam!  It’s happening, SG1 got the mirror and you’re going home now!  Do you understand?”

 

Sam looked at her uncertainly and licked her lips, “Cassie?” She rasped, “Cassie?”  Desperate eyes bored into Cassie’s.

 

“Yes, Sam, really...”  Cassie almost laughed aloud, “It’s in the next room and you’re going home to mom now, okay?”  She said; her voice breaking.

 

“Okay.”  Sam answered her somewhat dazedly and Cassie stepped back, allowing Dr. Lam to finish securing the sling on Sam’s arm.  Vala had grabbed the robe Dr. Lam had draped across the foot of the bed and pulled the sleeve onto Sam’s free arm and draped the other side around her.  Both women pulled it around her shoulders and closed the front of the robe over the sling, quickly tying the terrycloth belt beneath in a knot.

 

Cassie pulled the privacy screen back and reached for the wheelchair Daniel had retrieved.  Setting the brakes on the chair she still held it steady as Dr. Lam and Vala transferred Sam into it.  Sam still looked stunned but grabbed at Dr. Lam’s hand,

 

“Thank you.” She rasped.

 

Dr. Lam shrugged but still gave her hand a squeeze, “Anytime.  Take care, Colonel.”  She said, giving her a rarely seen, shy smile.

 

As Cassie released the brakes and turned the chair Sam cleared her throat, “General Landry,” she called to the man who stood guard in the doorway, “Thank you, sir.”

 

Gen. Landry nodded and gave her a salute, “It’s been a pleasure serving with you, Colonel.”

 

Jack stepped up to the chair and leaned down to take her hand in his, “Cassie filled me in on everything since you’ve been away and come back again…” Words deserted him as he gazed into the sunken, pale blue eyes, lost for a moment in their depths, “And your dad was right, you deserve to be happy.”  He stopped again to clear his throat, “So go be happy, Carter… okay?”

 

Sam’s eyes brimmed, “Yes sir.”  She managed, “And thank you.  Thank you for everything.”

 

“You betcha’.”  He smiled at her and let go of her hand, taking his place next to Landry and together both generals guarded the door.

 

Cassie pushed the chair though the doorway and into the next room, SG1 following along behind.  Once inside Teal’c took up a position by the door they just entered and nodded to the generals still guarding the door on the other side of the room.  Vala opened the door leading into the hallway a crack and turned to look over her shoulder at Sam, “Take care, Colonel Carter.”  She called softly.

 

Sam turned to her, “Thanks, Vala.  Thanks for the mirror.” Vala smiled and Sam added, “Thanks for the ride home.”

 

Daniel activated the mirror; it glowed softly, but was still dark and he turned to them, “We, uh, we’ll just have to wait a minute for them to turn theirs on.”  He stood uncertainly, “You did call them, right Cassie?”

 

Cassie grinned, “They’re coming, Daniel.”  She bent to kiss Sam on the forehead, “See you soon.” She whispered as Sam reached to softly touch her cheek, “And I meant what I said the other day.”

 

“I love you.”  Sam’s whispered, her voice wavering, “I love you so much, kiddo.”

 

“I know.”  Cassie gave her hand a squeeze.

 

Teal’c suddenly stepped back to let General Landry in the room, “I just got the call; he’s on his way down.  Better hurry up, it’ll only be a few minutes.”

 

***

 

Janet, Cassie and SG1 rushed to the elevator doors being held open for them on General Hammond’s order.  As they entered Janet shouted over her shoulder for a medical team to be sent to Daniel’s lab.  They watched as the elevator doors slid shut with maddening slowness, but no one said a word as they descended.  Janet struggled to breathe normally and Cassie clutched her hand in a near bone-crushing grip.  When the doors finally slid open, Teal’c’s stoic Jaffa resolve deserted him for a moment as he inserted his fingers between the slowly opening doors and pried them apart, trying vainly to force them open faster.

 

They bolted down the hallway and into the lab; Daniel snatched the remote from his worktable and hurriedly activated the mirror.  Janet stood in front of the dark glass and nervously wrung her hands.  _Oh please_ , she begged silently, _oh please, oh please…._   She chanted silently as the mirror brightened and became clear.

 

Her eyes locked on Sam’s in the mirror and when she tried to speak words suddenly failed her when Sam’s thin and gaunt face suddenly broke into a huge smile,

 

“Hi,” She heard her say in a hoarse voice, “Can I please come home?”

 

Janet emitted a sudden bark of laughter and tears spilled down her face, “Yes,” she nodded, “Sam, please.”

 

***

 

 “They’re coming!”  Vala called as she peered through the crack in the door.

 

Teal’c quickly crossed the room to bend down at Sam’s chair, “Be happy, Colonel Carter,” he said and quickly hugged her.

 

Daniel quickly stuffed the remote in his pocket and reached to help Sam from the wheelchair, Teal’c lifting from behind,

 

“We’ll see you soon.” Daniel told her.

 

They could hear raised voices from the other room; the generals were loudly arguing with someone who was undoubtedly Richard Woolsey.

 

Just as Woolsey stalked into the room Daniel added, “Take care, Sam, we love you.” and threw her at the mirror.

 

 _“NO!”_   Woolsey shouted, running to the mirror as it went dark.  Teal’c calmly put up a hand to stop him and Woolsey stopped abruptly as his chest impacted sharply with the large hand, _“What have you done?”_   He shrieked.

 

Generals O’Neill and Landry walked in behind him, O’Neill sauntering with his hands in his pockets,

 

“Jeez, Hank,” Jack remarked casually, “it looks like yer havin’ a problem with yer Dick.”

 

Landry stopped to roll his eyes and scowl at him briefly before turning back to Woolsey, “Is there a problem, Richard?”

 

 _“A problem?”_   The man shrieked, his face flushed, “I know better, general!  I know you have all planned this and you will all pay!”  He turned in a slow circle to point accusingly at Teal’c and Vala, “You two are exiled from this world as of this moment!”  He bellowed and turned to Daniel, “And you, Doctor Jackson!” He roared, _“You are out of here!”_

 

Jack finally stepped forward, patting at the air with his hands, “Yah, okay, Richard, just calm down now and take a breath, ‘cause if you think that you and this planet can survive without these three, you’re a moron.”  He stepped up to the red-faced man and draped an arm around his shoulders, “It’ll be okay, Dick, you’ll see.  Carter hasn’t totally abandoned us.  When we need her help, we’ll get it.” He slowly led him from the room, Gen. Landry falling into step beside them, “Calm down and don’t worry, we have it all worked out, _trust me.”_

 

***

 

Janet caught Sam as she appeared on her side of the mirror and collapsed in her arms.  Daniel rushed to grab Janet in an effort to slow their descent to the floor and then looked up to nod to his alternate, “See you soon.”  He said then turned off the remote and the glass became dark once again.

 

In a shaky voice, Janet called to the medical team to bring the gurney in.  Unable to keep her arms and voice from shaking she looked down into tired blue eyes, “Hi there,” she said, smiling, “Welcome home, sweetheart.”

 

Sam only smiled and Janet turned to the medics, quietly issuing orders as they gently took her from Janet’s arms and placed her on the gurney.  She worked quickly to reattach Sam’s existent IV catheter to fluids and unbuttoned her pajama top to reattach the leads for the EKG and her hands froze momentarily at the sight of the prominent chest bones.  As she reattached the leads she said, her voice breaking,

 

“I thought I told Cassie to tell you to get well.”

 

Her eyes sunken with dark circles and her face drawn and gray, Sam still managed another small smile as she whispered between labored breaths, “I’m sorry…. I missed you.”

 

Blinking back tears and slipping an oxygen mask over Sam’s nose and mouth Janet whispered, “I missed you, too.”  Then she and the medics rose and raised the gurney off the ground and they and SG1 and Cassie and Gen. Hammond left for the infirmary.

 

~

 

It was after 4 AM and Teal’c sat quietly in a state of Kel’no’reem in the observation room overlooking the intensive care unit that housed Col. Carter and Dr. Fraiser.  Sam lay sleeping in a hospital bed; the head and far side of the bed surrounded by the glowing lights and softly beeping and humming medial equipment of the intensive care unit and Janet slept in the bed next to her.

 

When Janet could no longer function as Sam’s physician, Dr. Warner stepped in, knowing Dr. Fraiser would not allow him to do so until she determined Col. Carter was out of danger.  While he waited, he had a second bed sent to the ICU; the staff already knew from previous experience to make up the bed for the colonel’s wife; they had done this before.

 

Confident that Col. Carter and Dr. Fraiser could be left alone for a while; Dr. Warner had finally gone to bed in his quarters, leaving orders for the night staff to check in on the pair every fifteen minutes.

 

Slowly reaching a hand to scrub at her face and smooth down her hair, Janet awoke and sat up in the bed, completely unaware that she had just slept for nearly two hours nightmare-free for the first time in two weeks.  She quietly dropped the rail and swung her feet to dangle over the side of the bed.   Sleepily, she stretched her hands above her head before easing herself to the floor and shuffling the three steps to Sam’s bed in her socks and surgical scrubs.  Not wanting to wake her she placed her hands on the bedrail and stood quietly, looking down at her spouse, willing her eyes to drink her in.  Even in sleep the small smile never left Sam’s face and Janet noted how her labored breathing had finally eased into relaxed inhalations, in and out.  _She looks so peaceful_ , Janet decided, and then amended that to; _she’s so beautiful_.  Reverently, Janet closed her eyes; _thank you_ , she thought silently, _thank you thank you thank you…._ She drew a deep breath and opening her eyes again, she allowed them to wander around the room, drifting with her thoughts.  Eventually, her eyes stared off at the far wall, her grip and expression tensing as she considered what exactly it took for Sam to become so weak and ill.  The neglect necessary for her to have…

 

“You okay?” Sam asked softly, her voice a scratchy whisper.

 

Janet blinked and looking down at her, reached to smooth back blond hair, stoking it softly, “Yes, sweetheart,” She sighed, “I’m just still angry that the other SG1 didn’t take better care of you.”

 

Sam licked her dry and cracked lips, “It wasn’t their fault, Janet, I didn’t mean to…I didn’t mean to get so bad, I’m sorry.  When I was finally allowed to go home I was just going to rest for a couple of days, I swear…”

 

Janet’s look was both sad and disbelieving.

 

“Really, Janet, I was just so tired.  I thought after a couple of days I’d be back up and I’d….  I’d go back to my old life, my old responsibilities.  But I couldn’t.”  She shook her head weakly, “I couldn’t do it because I was different… I couldn’t go back.  I didn’t want to follow the rules again; I wanted to be happy….” Janet reached to clasp her hand and blinking rapidly, looked down at their joined hands, “But I couldn’t have that anymore… I didn’t have _you_ anymore….”

 

Janet could only nod and reached to stroke Sam’s face with her free hand, her eyes brimming and Sam stopped for a moment to catch her breath.  She looked down at their clasped hands resting on her chest and the rings that shone there.  She fought the urge to yawn and, not wanting to surrender to sleep again so soon, she took a deep breath,

 

“You know,” she began, “while I was in bed all that time I remembered our honeymoon.”  She smiled and Janet noticed the darkening shade of blue in Sam’s eyes.

 

“You did?”  She smiled back.

 

“Oh yeah,” Sam whispered, “I remembered all of it, even the twenty minutes of sleep we got during that whole week.”

 

Janet snorted softly in amusement, “You even remembered when we slept?” and then stopped for a moment, confused, “You mean you remembered here but could still remember it there?”

 

Sam shook her head, “No, I hadn’t remembered it yet while I was here.  I mean, I didn’t remember it until I was on the other side of the mirror.”

 

“But, how?”  Janet asked, perplexed, “You should have stopped having memories of this life here once you left this reality… shouldn’t you?” Janet looked down at her, bewildered.  “Isn’t that one of those universal laws?

 

Sam smiled tiredly, “I think so.”

 

“But, aren’t universal laws immutable?” She persisted.

 

“I don’t know.” Sam replied as her eyelids drooped, exhaustion claiming her once again, “Love, rules and universal laws….  Maybe love is a universal law capable of transcending even itself.”

 

“Capable of breaking all the rules?”

 

“Maybe.  Maybe we’re just meant to be together.” Sam murmured as she struggled to keep her eyes open.  Her speech slurred slightly when she added, “Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be.”

 

“Maybe.”  Smiling, Janet sniffed and bent to place a gentle kiss on Sam’s lips, “Time for sleep, sweetheart, close your eyes.”

 

“Yes, ma’am.”  Sam smiled against her lips, “Are you going to bed now too?”

 

“Yep,” Janet answered, twisting her head to look briefly at the other bed, “I’ll be right here, Sam, always.” She said, pronouncing it ‘all ways’.

 

“I know….  I love you.”

 

“I love you too, sweetheart.”


End file.
